I’ve gotten some coaching recently on a friendship that feels uncertain to me.
When my coach asked me what I wanted out of a relationship, I happily skipped away and listed all the qualities I wanted and didn’t want in a friend. Yay! Now I have the blueprint for the perfect friend.
I think maybe I missed her point.
When I asked myself the question again, “What do I want?” a voice in my mind responded, “What if you just wanted all of it?
What if you wanted the discomfort of figuring this out?
What if you wanted the tension you feel when you receive a text message?
What if you wanted the vulnerability that may be required to get closer or just move on?
What if you wanted all of it?
Oh. Even contemplating this idea, I feel calmer and less anxious.
I can see why.
When we tell ourselves we don’t want something, we use a lot of energy trying to push it away.
When we tell ourselves we want something else instead, we start grasping and trying to control the situation.
If there’s no pushing or grasping or controlling, there’s a stillness where we can just be with what’s happening instead of rejecting everything, including ourselves.
Wanting it all is another way of saying we accept it all.
I become a perfect friend for myself when I accept and want all of this.
By doing that, I learn how to create and accept friendships with others.