When People Pleasing Is your Problem
I’ve talked about people pleasing on the blog before, but I think it’s worth bringing up again because I see it in myself
and in my clients all the time and it can be detrimental to weight loss.
There’s a wonderful quote from Anne Hathaway that sums it up perfectly…
There’s something very addictive about people pleasing.
It’s a thought pattern and habit that feels really, really good
until it becomes desperate.
You are people pleasing if you do the following…
- You slow down or stop losing weight because you think it might upset a friend or family member
- You eat the tater tot casserole at the party to make the host happy, even though you’d rather have the healthy salad that you brought
- You say yes to happy hour after work with your new colleagues even though you’d rather go home and veg
In all of these situations, Saying yes seems easier.
If you say no, your brain tells you that the following WILL happen (even though it’s likely not true) …
- They may stop loving you
- They may think you are difficult
- They may never ask you again and you’ll be the social outcast
Please hear me out on this.
People pleasing is a self-worth problem.
When you say yes when everything inside you screams NO NO NO, you are seeking validation from outside sources that you belong and that you are worthy.
When you say yes you also don’t have to feel guilty for saying no.
The problem with this is that the person that they have decided belongs and is worthy is a pretend version of you.
The more the “pretend you” keeps showing up to the party, the more the “real you” cowers in the corner thinking that if they ever met the “real you”, they would show you to the door.
So you stall your weight loss, eat the bad-for-you foods, and take shots at the bar all while
ha-ha-ha-ing at their mom jokes.
So what’s the problem with all of this?
IT FEELS LIKE SH*T AND IT IS EXHAUSTING.
If you are a people pleaser, you know what I mean.
OK, So what’s the solution to all of this?
You have to decide that you love yourself no matter what happens.
This will take some bravery and feeling uncomfortable.
If you want to stop being a people pleaser and start being yourself, you will have to deliberately practice this skill.
Here are 7 questions you can ask yourself when you find yourself people pleasing
- Where in your life are you saying yes when you really want to say no?
- Why are you choosing against yourself?
- What are you afraid will happen if you choose what you really want to do in those situations?
- How do you feel when you do things you don’t want to?
- What thoughts are you thinking when you do things you don’t want to?
- Who do you blame when you find yourself doing things “against your will”?
- What would you have to be willing to feel if you were committed to honoring what your true self really wanted to do in all situations?
Thanks to coach, Rachel Hart for these brilliant questions!
Really take some time to sit down and ask yourself these questions each and every time you feel the urge to people please.
The more often you can practice asking yourself these questions and living out the answers, the better you will become at honoring your own word in every situation.
If you’d like additional support with this, sign up for a free 30-minute mini-session here!