Fantasy Suites were… awkward this week. What else can I say? So many coachable moments.
This week I’m joined on the Reality Show Life Coach podcast by my life coach, Elizabeth Elliott. When she’s not helping me manage my brain, Elizabeth teaches men how to engineer themselves for success.
Peter obviously needs her help!
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Full Episode Transcript:
all right welcome back to The Bachelor life coach podcasttoday we’re talking about season 24 episode 9 of The Bachelor fantasy suitesweek and she’s already excited people let me introduce my guest todayElizabeth Elliot Elizabeth introduce yourself please hi everyone I am Elizabeth ElliotI am a certified life coach I work with men I engineer them for success in theirwork life and in their personal life like what does that mean engineer themit sounds like you’re your be own I help them build the life they want that’samazing yeah like you could help Peter oh honey I have been working on that manall season he just doesn’t know it yet and the funny thing is is so I was kindof curious because I really I coached men and I mentioned one of them one of my clients that I was doing the showthey’re all watching the show – really yes I was so surprised it’s not just ourguilty pleasure oh this is intriguing I can’t wait till next season when there’slike noodles of men on the show – to an alarm clay I’m excited so not only areyou coach Berman you’re also my coach and vice versa so I talked about mycoach Elizabeth you’re the Elizabeth I’m talking about oh my gosh thank you so much I just love you I just love you -oh my gosh and and we’re gonna talk about things other than we get to talkabout guess what I’ve been wanting to say it because nobody on that freakin show will say it sex sex I’ll say it again honking aboutbaby we’re gonna get real and honest today baby we’re gonna take this podcastto a new level and are you gonna make me blush today Elizabeth I feel like you’re gonna get dirty all right speaking ofokay let’s do the brief show recap so we can have the coachable moments feel free to chime in aswe go through these I mean there’s not much to this episode but there’s a latch of this episode so we start out withpicking up where the cliffhanger left off where Madison has pulled Peter to the side and she tries to tell him thathim being intimate with other women would be a deal-breaker for her but in not so many terms does she say that shetries yeah go ahead well I was like waiting for her just tosay hey I’m saving myself for marriage if you bang the other women it’s gonna be a problem for me but I mean I don’teven know what she actually said and what was just voiceover to the producer she felt very comfortable talking to you about this topic just not Peter so ordid she talk to Peter about it and and they’re playing with us I don’t know either way Peter doesn’t seem like he’sgot in the clear answer that he’s looking for cuz he keeps getting her to try to repeat herself like so you meanwhat and then she’s not able to fully communicate in my opinion what was goingon so Madison did you also notice herehow’d they walk outside and she’s like freezing and she tells Peter this and he’s like fully dressed and he does notgive her his jacket yes I did notice that actually and it’s funny because itseems to me to highlight such a bigger point here is that I think that she hasin her mind the picture of the kind of man that she wants to be with and Ithink that she kind of is operating from that future place and I don’t think thatPeter throughout this whole journey has done the preliminary work to really know what he’s looking for I know let’s talkabout okay I’m gonna I’m gonna quickly do the show recap and yeah yeah I’m like yes the meat-and-potato okay so yes thathappens and then they go to Australia where Peter has the fake accent there’skangaroos and koalas and the didgeridoo and they’re all excited to be there until they find out that they’re goingto be roaming together which they typically don’t do on fantasy suite weeks usually the women get their ownseparate rooms they don’t have to even know anybody else’s typically they’re actually different cities but they’reall in the one room and one by one he knocks him down he goes with Hannah and then Victoria F and then Madison andwhile he spends the night with the first two ladies when Madison prompts him atthe end to find out if he has been intimate with them he says he has and then she walks away Iknow I’m hanging I know I know you’reready to coach Elizabeth I am too I’m ready to talk about this today good let’s do it coachable moments I know youhave yeah you’re like busting at the seams here so let’s get going uh sceneone let’s go back to that one that you just touched upon with Madison and Peter um you know in that scene she’s alsotelling him that actions speak louder than words which we just talked about he didn’t give her a jacket nor does Peterever carry around tissues he wants them to cry all the time but he never has any tissues for them and so they’re likewaving their tears away or like trying to like I think at one point in this episode Victoria F is using her dress asa napkin or as a tissue but anyway um yeah so Peter doesn’t actuallyunderstand fully what she’s saying but he does imply at the end of that scene that like I don’t know where Madisonstands in general because she hasn’t told me that she loves me whereas the other two ladies has so we can see he’sweighing with a lot of ideas here of whether or not he honors whatever he thinks she’s saying to him in terms ofbeing intimate with other ladies and what else like what did you think about this Elizabeth okay Peter I think thisscene really shows us and this is what I’ve been struggling with with Peter all season I just don’t believe he’s donethe preliminary work like I don’t know like he keeps looking for the women togive him validation whereas I’m really I wonder like what kind of partner hewants to be how does he want to show up as a husband and you know in this moment Maddie’smaking it very clear she she is saving herself well she’s not making it clearshe’s making about as clear as mud it’s got her mind in her mind she’s savingherself for marriage and that’s how she wants to show up yeah and she is sayingactions speak louder than words and at this point at all they’ve had or wordsoh I know well and it’s interesting to get cuz what does she know about his actual actions in life becauseeverything is manufactured by this TV show right and so he or she is saying Iwant you to take X Y & Z action which is don’t have sex with these other ladiesbut yet here he is in a situation where that it’s exactly what he’s supposed to do we don’t know what he’s gonna do inthose rooms but he is set up to do that right and it’s like it’s funny because it’s also the perfect storm foreveryone’s belief system it’s been brought into it and you know there’s Ithink there’s actually I’m pretty I was gonna say there’s a lot of judgment going on here but it doesn’t seem likeMattie’s participating in the judgment she’s saying these are my beliefs and Ijust don’t want to feel badly about it so tell me more about the judgments like what do you mean by that like who’sjudging who well as we flash forward you see Hannah Ann and Victoria one of myfavorite scenes later is when Maddie obviously is disappointed when VictoriaF comes back from her fantasy suite and she stands up and leaves oh and theexchange of smirks there was so much judgment of Maddie in that momentbetween the two of them without a lot of words because you know they have to bequiet because she’s just in the other room right so they’re trying to convey a message which is I know right andthey’re like it’s so funny because they quickly give her to call it the ultimatum but I don’t know all thatMaddie really said was I’m going to find it difficult to continue down this path with you becausethe next path is to get engaged yeah yeah and so okay so we have the scenewhere Peter has just this conflict of interest because do you think he wouldhave done the same thing if Maddie was like I’m all in I’m in love with you let’s get married like if she absolutelybecause I don’t think that he had I mean he says at one point that passionateconnection is so important to me passionate moments I need thatconnection and so I think that’s part of his discernment process he doesn’tbelieve that intimacy or spending the night together we all know sex is that’sit’s just part of the gig with them yeah it’s just part of the dating process it is and where as Maddie’s coming with adifferent belief system for herself and in some ways she’s saying hey you don’thave to believe what I believe but it just makes it difficult for me to see you as a husband or spouse yeah so forher it doesn’t seem necessarily that it’s all about him having or not having sex it seems more so about hey I’ve madea request of you um based on something I strongly believe and if you honor thatrequest it tells me something and if you don’t honor that request it tells me something and so him not honoring that Idon’t think it was about the sex for her because she knows like sex four times on a windmill oh my god Thanks the manenjoys some Sun and she knew that getting into it yeah and so basicallyshe’s just saying you know uh I think it’s more so about like I expect myhusband to honor my wishes once in a while right especially as a cue to believe them mm-hmm you know but this ismoving forward this is the kind of man I want to marry yeah either even has saidthat to him you don’t need to have my same faith but I think this was during hometownsbut she said I want to be with a man in essence who’s kind of a thought leader for both of us yeah and so by him doingthis is like okay what kind of leader are you yeah if you know you don’t youcan’t keep a word but he didn’t make it that word to her he didn’t promise her anything no he didn’t so and I think Ithink the reason why he didn’t is it goes back to when he said she hasn’tgiven me that validation of words that I need so I think he’s kind of saying heyalthough he has told her he loved her so what does that mean I don’t know what it means I know for sure he did not promiseher that he would take any actions at least not on camera and so I’m wondering if that’s part of the conflict for Madiat the end is because he never promised her like if he had promised her gave her his word that he would not sleep withthe other women I think it would have been easy you know like she would have it would’ve been like a deal breakergone but I don’t think this is the last we see of Maddie now it’s how I think it’s probably gonna be that conflict oflike okay he didn’t give us words oh and then what hand I like respect Peter for at least not making a promise that he was probably gonna break for sure but wecan see that conflict and it’s interesting too because it’s like likesex is neutral whatever happens between men and women is neutral until you have a thought about it and so Peters justlike hey this is super fun like his thought about sex is yeah this was fun this is a way to connect with another here right and Maddie’s like this is allthings sacred right and so it just doesn’t balance out for them no and Ithink that’s the interesting part here and it’s interesting also to see Hannahand with her relationship with Peter and her belief system comes into playand same with Victoria they each handle the decisions that they make like bothof them seem to think that this act of sex will take their emotion to the nextlevel oh yeah so it’s almost like they’re using the action to give them the feeling of loveoh that’s so true because you see like you know in Hanna Anne and herone-on-one with Peter she’s talking about being willing to make certain sacrifices very devoted and so I wonderif part of that sacrifice is well I know this is what’s needed maybe this is sooner than she would want to have sexand I don’t know I mean like we don’t know what happened if they were right that way but I get the impression fromHannah Anne that she’s just like okay well I love him so I’m gonna do it it takes till exactly the next level andthat might be intimate in a certain way right yeah yeah and so it all meansdifferent things like to different people and I would guess right on the scale here that Victoria F and Peter aremaybe more on the same page and what sex means and then the others are still trying to wrap their heads around itwell no Madison knows what she wants Hannah Ann’s willing to do what it takes right or f1 to have fun Peter wants thatfun right and it’s so interesting too I think the joke of it is is that Maddykind of frames the whole show with actions speak louder than words mm-hmm but it’s so interesting that it’sthe action and the words whereas for Hannah an the action gives her morewords um the next level and so she in her mind because she’s had this actionand she feels this committed love to him is willing then to do whatever it takesright and then he calls her the perfect woman for him right exactly until yeahtwelve hours later when he’s with the next perfect yeah let’s move into that seat yeahVictoria F oMG love her oh my gosh so this is probably one of my most favoritelines from the episode where Peter says I love everything about my relationshipwith Victoria except when it comes to just communicating I’m having heartattacks I’m like what is there like okay so if there’s if it’s my chancei I just was laughing so hard because I have like closed captioning on when Iwatch this and I watch I just had to go right back I’m like really just I mean what is there like communicating prettybig part of a relationship wouldn’t you have to say Elizabeth pretty much yeah Ithink it’s pretty / I think that and knowing who you are in a relationshipare the two key things who are you as a person and who are you in therelationship and then how do you communicate that to that on a scale of one to ten how do you think that Peterand Victoria F are doing based on what you just said one being not so good tenbeing amazing I think they’re kind of it a one yeah I would agree and I think but ironicallyas I think where they come into relationships and how they’re looking atbuilding a future they’re right on the same page totally on the page he walksaway to hear like yeah so I I don’t knowlike it’s interesting there because he’s like he’s just saying hey I just want to be able to talk to you without you walking away he does mention that at onepoint he’s like I’m not gonna say things perfectly to you but I would appreciate if you stayed in the room and even that’s super hard for her righthow would you if you had a client like Peter who was like listen here’s the relationship I in let’s just like pushMaddie and Hannah and to the side right now let’s just say he’s in a relationship with Victoria F like howwould you coach him on what’s going on here well first of all that’s that’swhat I would ask him that the first and foremost how you you are in arelationship is all based on your thoughts right not what she does ordoesn’t do it’s based on the thoughts between your ears so it asked him all ofthose questions like what do you think about her walking away mm-hmmwhen you’re thinking she shouldn’t do that she should stay here andcontinue the conversation with me how do you feel you know are you and then areyou acting from a place of judgment on her or a place of annoyance that she’swalking away right and and can could you accept her in a relationship knowingthat she walks away because I get it cuz that’s neutral cuz it’s totally neutral I mean she canshe’s an adult she can do what she wants to do obviously she feels most comfortable right now walking away from Peter and the cameras right um it’s sofunny to that you asked me that question because that the thing I hear most from my clients and and it startedorganically as just a response when I said to one client hey what do you want in this situation and he said I justwant some big dick energy and I was like had never heard that beforeand I’m like what does that mean and you know he’s like you know some swagger andI’m like thinking okay frat boy all the terrible in my head I’m spinning thatout but when you coached somebody you don’t get off in your own head all about them right so I kept probing him formore thoughts about what big dick energy is and really what it came down to washe wanted to know he had his own back in every situation he could handle anyemotion that would come up based on his thinkingso it’s confidence right yeah so that’s what I asked you know with Peter whydoes it bother you so much when she walks away what’s going on with you because really if you want the big dickenergy in this conversation you’d be okay with the fact that she walks away yeah yeah and just be like okay she justneeds a minute right she always comes back she’s needy in it yeah right and that’s what lovingsomeone I think that unconditional love is all about you get to do you you getto walk away you get to be a brat you get to do all the things that you need to do but I’m just gonna be over hereand I’m just gonna love you because I have decided to love you no matter what totally when I think it’sinteresting in that scene to is that he’s asking her to accept that he doesn’t say things perfectly right inthose conversations but he’s not willing to accept her walking away as well right because I think he’s judged that walkingaway is far worse than not saying things perfectly yeah and he takes walking way to meansomething in particular that she’s not interested in him when really it could just mean I’m very interested in you butI need to go away for a moment now because otherwise I’m just gonna break up with you here right and I think forthroughout this process Peter has said very clearly I need validation from themyeah and when she walks away she can’t be there to give him the validation he’slooking for which i think so I perfect because he’s still there and he’s theone that needs to validate who he is not her or her actions are her words totallyyeah and like look at the source Peter the source of where you want the validation aren’t these like women thatare like having their own thoughts their own feelings they have like no space to give him the validation and actuallyspace I think is brilliant in this and that’s what the producers of this show Ikind of love that this was the intimate week because as a viewer I was drawninto the intimacy of this because I was beginning to feel the awkwardness of thelack of space between the three women mm-hmm oh you know that’s true and it’sfunny because in also too I coach that it’s in the space that we allowourselves that all the discernment and all of the power comes from and theyhave none of it which is so ironic that they really don’t he has all of thepower this week oh he totally has all of the power like he doesn’t have to give them the card that says hey will youcome to the fantasies with me which takes that next level on that level so they Jake are our love to a newlevel I mean okay so you know coachable moment 3 is about Victoria as well intheir conversations I just want to dive right into that big yeah I thought this was so interesting so I think she’s alittle braver in the scene because she knows what’s at stake now she’s in the final three he asks her like hey what’sthis all about you just shut down when we try to have these conversations and she says telling him just like yeah I’mjust like had this last relationship that was like three and a half years and I just never felt like good enough I wasnever asked about my feelings it was it’s been really weird for me that you’re asking me about my internalmonologue essentially what’s going on for me inside and then he’s like clearlyexcited about this her opening I see him and he’s just like he does ask good questions of these ladies sometimes he’sjust like tell me more about that essentially I was actually proud of Peter in this moment I was my daughanything yeah yeah I’m not let me flip to it because I was like Peter you’reshowing up you know actually are asking the questions of her that are they’retargeted right on yeah did you find it I did how I didn’t knowsorry oh it’s fine we can edit this part up okay oh now Ihave what Victoria said about their sex that’s what I write down the direct quote on that one well I think ingeneral he just asked her like yeah he just asked her like hey what do you what do you mean by not feeling good enoughand then she breaks down and clearly gets in her head in that moment it’sjust like kid she doesn’t feel like she’s good enough to give an answer to that even right well you know it’s funnyas I kind of have this theory and you know how when we have a preconceivedthought that’s there then we just see it everywhere I’m looking for the evidenceoh yeah I think that she’s a contestant in this coming manI think that she never loses track of it this is a game and that she’s here towin and when her voice goes up a coupleof octaves when she’s like stop you know what I’m talking about yes I think thatis her contestant voice and yeah he starts playing the role of thecontestant and so I think in this moment Peter is actually doing what we do ascoaches he’s really trying to get a hold of one of her thoughts he wants to knowmore about why she doesn’t feel good enough and at one point she says I don’t know I don’t know when he’s like you doknow which I’ve said so many times to my client yeah you do know ask yourself thequestion and answer it and what she’s done between what does my heart say whatdo I really think here and what does my contestant brain tell me to do here yeah and that’s why she can’t answer itbecause she’s like I just I don’t know what you’re looking for from me that’s when she’s saying as a contestant I justdon’t know what to do my am i vulnerable and real here or am I still paintingthis picture for you so that you’ll choose me at the end right it’s almost like she’s realizedshe stepped into this scary zone like I separated the real zone I stepped into apile of poo of real and I think that’s what happened in that moment she’s that come her like oh I’ve gone into the zoneI didn’t want to go into this is this is this is terrible and so she’s like drawing herself back in and suddenlydoes not have words to give him like why don’t I what you want me to say absolutely and she’s terrified of herreal oh yeah no I because I think that from what she tells us of a her previousrelationship that’s her pattern she knows how to be the girlfriend that theyare expecting she just doesn’t know who Victoria F is when it’s just her andshe’s so freaked out about it and like you know if she’s gonna do it’s like I’m not gonna do it on national TV thenpeople will really know me right yeah yeah and guess what that’s real intimacytotally yeah that was common right there so much more intimate than the act ofsex right and it makes me wonder I’m guessing if any of the couples had sexit was her and Peter because that’s probably what she feels more comfortable yeah he’s like kept her around for thatreason maybe but she knew going into this the man can we say four times in a windmill one more time she knew that andso she wanted to win oh yeah it was like oh I know how to do that yeah I couldget you there oh and there’s the contestant and her again did she cry inthat scene we know that’s a turn-on for Peter problems I I don’t remember butI’m assuming because at this point I just assumed she’s gonna cry so I don’t even see the tears anymore right it’sjust a part of her face it just glides it’s like having glitter on your face their tears their permit ears yeah Imean for Victoria like sometimes I’m like oh how would I coach her I’m like Idon’t think she wants to be coached in that moment I think like she just thinksthis is part of her identity she can’t talk openly and vulnerably toanother human being oh and I think she thinks it’s part of the game I think she thinks this is hiI’m so fragile you know and that hotpassionate anger that she comes at him with is somewhat of a turn-on for him oh it is he’s always saying with her oh Iwould never be bored with Victoria fi he’s always keeping my my toes so if shejust suddenly played nice and look like I don’t even know that for her I don’tknow like I think she she’s like just giving him a little bit of an inch each time to like keep the mystery there theintrigue something I think she’s a master I actually think she’s a masterat this game and I think part of the like crazy tears and the vulnerable ohyou know I just don’t know how to show up I think it’s all part of her game ohmy gosh that would be so interesting later to find out she was like oh yeah that’s what I was doing seriously andI’m like you know she’s playing the dumb contestant but I’m like oh who’s pulling the strings here I know you’re up therewhat I really want to know more about is with the Marisa from the previous fromhometowns was speaking of Victoria breaks up relationships for sure and I’malso just like Victoria girl if you know how to break up relationships there’s two living with you right now why not gofor those okay but let me tell you something I’m so glad you brought that up okay cuz that’s exactly what she’sdoing okay we were totally poking the bear with Madison when they starttalking she’s goading Madison into losing it over the sexes cuz she doeseverything but come out and say so we’re having sex with him what do you think ofit mm-hmm you know she keeps saying she keeps saying to her in those moments andshe says it the camera catches her in a smirk occasionally yeah and a DS just like you know she’sgetting played I think so too because there’s that moment when Victoria asks Maddie likehey what happened after a rose like it seemed I don’t know she said it in a very gentle on Victoria like way likeshe was genuinely curious and wanted to know and that octaves were up that’s thecontestant oh my gosh now I can’t unsee that Elizabeth I know oh my gosh numberfour which is still kind of discussing Maddie in this ultimatum you’re totallyright uh Victoria has one opinion when she’s with Maddie very like gentle kindof a friend let’s talk about this but when she’s just talking to the camera there was such an interesting line Ithink it was victorious at something like you know it’s not okay to put expectations on someone who’s looking for their wife with three differentwomen right now right yeah and it’s like Oh where’s the mirror here honeyright isn’t that what you’re doing you’re putting expectations on howMaddie should be behaving Oh totally well yeah I think it was interesting butalso if you take a step back like most people like pursuing a dating relationship I’d have an issue with thisbut they’re like no this is a game I’m gonna win hate right yeah yeah I meanright before your wedding how about you know your husband sleeping around notsleeping around but pursuing sex with other women and that’s part of what heneeds to do to know if you’re okay yeah very publicly I mean some peopleprobably do this quite a bit behind the scenes but yeah I know he’s doing it publicly um the whole idea of theultimatum in a relationship like is thissomething that you remember had to deal with yeah you know it’s so funny because I really struggled with this with whatis she actually saying and I think she actually because she backssaying I don’t want to tell you what to do mm-hm so she’s trying she’s goingbetween like placing a boundary around their relationship set out of love saying hey I want you to be the personthat I marry in the end and my ideas he’s gonna look like this but is shereally operating from a manual of hey I need you to do this so that I can love you and I think she’s struggling here Iwondered about that too because she did feel very compelled to tell him this that like she would prefer that if shewas gonna say yes he didn’t he wasn’t intimate with the other women in the house but yeah like is it an ultimatum or notI don’t know I mean I think from Madison’s point of view she was hesitant to use that word but I don’t think shehad language to call it anything else right well and I do think I think it’stotally fair to say that in our relationship hey these are my ultimatumsthese are the things for me that I’m Iam comfortable with and the things that I am not comfortable with and just put them out there and you knowhow they want to behave is totally up to them it’s only when you say I’m notgonna love you if you do that then it becomes this like tricky manual businessoh that’s true doesn’t cuz it’s like what you were describing first just sounded to me like a preference or like a breaker almostjust like hey I would prefer a husband that does XY and Z but no you’re totally right I think that Madison would have ahard time feeling love for him like if you know she talks about a lot of like well I’ve already like lowered mystandards and expectations so so much by me basically being on the show um but Idon’t know it seems hard to go from one belief system which is believing sostrongly in faith like I think it would be Madison’s preference to marry somebody that was also saving themselves for marriage for sure um be easier it’dbe a hell a lot easier right yeah uh but ya know I think I think she’s waveringand B trying to decide is this just a preference that I had or is this a deal breaker that I have like and I’m notsure she knows that I think John’s what she’s coming back with this next week which I think it’s brilliant again onthe producers point is that I think next week is women tell all right it is womentell all yeah so we get the pause and she gets the pause for the discernmentprocess yeah what do you think that process is see like I don’t knowum I think that it doesn’t sound to me like she’s going to talk to the otherwomen I think that she understands that her belief system is different thantheirs and she doesn’t want to be a judgment of them I also wonder – isobviously Madison doesn’t have a confidant there she doesn’t have a coach doesn’t have a parent and that’s likethe role I think she’s so used to in making decisions in her life right is having sounding boards and the onlysounding board that she might have that’s not Peter or the two women are any of the producers who have their own agenda oh for sureright so they’re offering her thoughts all day long I’m sure up until now is said like you know what do you thinkabout Peter like sleeping with other people like goading her a little bit like kind of just like Victoria does ohyeah so she’s getting it from all sides and so I wondering if this likestrengthens her belief system because then she just has she has like so many like competing interests coming at herhere and I I think it’s so interesting to that this really is the test of herfaith when you have no one else this is her time and it’s great that we’rerecording this right at the start of Lent which is the time when Jesus kind of went into the wilderness to test hisown faith this is Maddie’s lint you know this is where what does she believe and is shegoing to find her strength in her faith and I’m not saying that if she found herstrength in her faith then she’ll walk away and ever come back yeah I don’t know what the answer is there and I don’t think open faith wouldactually tell you what the answer is it’s something she has to find from in her heart and sorting it out on herknees with her God hmm so it’s gonna be fascinating to see who is gonna be sofascinating to see because it’s like I think for her forgiving Peter for thismeans she can’t forgive herself for forgiving him like I think that there’s gonna be some element of us thatshe does give Peterlee away that comes back to her like a self-judgement Ohlike she’s lowered her standards and now she is not at the same faith that she her faith is yeah maybe in question ifshe was going to come back so it’ll be really curious I think I mean it’s kindof stacked against her because this is probably the first time in her life when she has had to only listen to her ownvoice because there’s no other like um common voices around her because she she had her dad her dad would be like wellMaddie you know as I’m you know your leader in faith here’s what I think you should do there’s nobody there offeringthat suggestion to any of them but I think particularly Maddie here and so she’s just like okay this is the firsttime in all of their lives they’ve had to listen to their own voice if they want to go a different route than whateverybody else around them wants them to do right so she has to define for herself what what do I really mean bythis yeah and I think you know in some ways it kind of counteracts what for herto make the decision to stay with Peter she’s really going back on her request of having a spiritual leader in her lifelike that she was asking Peter that’s what she wants and a partner and soshe’s gonna have to become her own leader which I think makes for a betterrelationship I wonder – I mean this kind of has us rolling right into coachablemoment number five which is Maddie walking away like they have this talk over dinner where she’s asking himpoint-blank hey I made a request of you last time we talked did you want her that request um which is interestingthey wait until dinner because they’ve had all day together it would be the first thing I said hey how are you didyou sleep with him no I know so she waits until dinner who knows whylike I mean yeah her timing is interesting um you know she tells him that she’s sacrificed a lot she’scompromised a lot and then you know Peter is honest with her like good forhim and he’s like yeah have been I’m sure he’s waiting for that moment she’s gonna ask me at some point um and so then you know ultimately shehonors her word to herself by walking away yeah I think she needs that I thinkshe really needs this discernment process yeah she’s this space she needs thespace um any mean she’s nobody wants Maddie to leave Peter wants her to stayto fulfill the process the producers want her to stay for sure or come backat least I mean they’re in Australia so the boomerang is popular there they wanted a boomerang back today yeah yeahwhat about that moment so cringy what Iknow I know I was like oh my gosh they are totally creating this awkwardnessand the viewers Oh totally yes like yescome on he thinks he’s cute yes but I mean yeah so she walks awayI mean is she listening to herself or she pulling a Victoria F and walkingaway because she can’t handle the emotions of staying I don’t know I don’t get the impression that she’s walkingaway out of having made a decision and then honoring the decision I get more the impression she’s running away whatdo you think oh that’s such a good question um I think she truly is frozen and Ithink she’s aware that she’s on camera and she realizes okay she’s having thatsame Victoria F moment where this is real and where do I want to be on camerain this moment mm-hmm yeah I mean it seemed a little bit fight-or-flight thatshe’s walking now hey but where’s she walking away to I mean she’s going back into the Viper is done if she leaves anddoesn’t spend the night with Peter the Vipers dance girls right she has it’s not like she’s going back to her ownhotel room she’s going back to women who love to stir the pot right so she’sshe’s screwed either way I think right like where she’s let’s see one clear on one thing she is not getting screwedoh man I thought that was like there’s alot of emotions flying high here for sure for sure and the thing that’s Ithink so interesting and watching the show so I have been washing it with my 15 year old daughter and my 70 year oldmother no yes and but the funny thing isis this particular week was the one week both of them were like I can’t evenwatch it I have so much second hand awkward I’m like feeling it and theywere like totally Restless and moving around part of it you know it just forsome reason this week it just drew them into the place they’re like I can’t even stand that’s so interestingI watched it from a hotel room in Nashville by myself so I had like thisgeneric hotel room so I’m wondering like how much place like where where did youend up watching it did you watch it by yourself with somebody else I I did I watched the recording of it cuz I wastraveling and my mom watched it we Icalled her during the recording and that’s when she and her sweet little southern proper voices like Elizabethyou need to turn it off right now she’s like I could hardly watch it this weekand I’m like my mom is it the sex and she’s like it’s not the sex which I justloved that she could have the conversation with me she’s like it’s just so awkward between the women I knowsmirks the she’s like just oh and then my daughter was watching it and she’slike you know the [ __ ] are out you know and I was like what and I’mwatching the recording and then she comes in the room and she’s like See Mom look at thatI’m like she’s like that’s like the lunch table at high school oh it’s sointeresting that multi-generation like goad you into saying somethingso like reveal more about yourself so then they can go spread it and laugh about you behind your backwhich is totally the thing with Maddie right and so either she stays with Peter know what the person she’s like nopeabout or she goes back to the lunch table where they know that she did notspend the night with Peter and those are the people she gets to talk to likedoesn’t last people you want to talk to right and who are gonna flaunt the fact that they’ve been intimate cuz now sheknows she can’t hide it no she can’t hide it right and then she’s go back was it you I don’t know I mean they’re gonnahave a women tell all in their own little hotel suite and then we get to see the women tell all next week withall the well not all the women coming back a select few because I don’t think Kelly’s gonna be there but um oh reallyshe wasn’t saying addiction no she wasn’t invited it’s you can google it it’s very interesting I know the shame Imean but yeah I mean it’ll be interesting to see how this wraps up because we ended last episode withMaddie and Peter having a conversation we ended this episode with Maddie and Peterright and so that’s where they’re creating their y’all now I know I likeit’s interesting the drama I actually think it’s funny um that producers Imean I think they’re the major puppeteers here oh it has 100 percent they’ve been able to take someone whoyou know I’m a life coach I spend my days managing my own thoughtsand coaching people to manage theirs yeah and yet in these moments I am likegoing through the gamut of emotions just as the watcher of it all I mean andthey’re creating drama by all the thoughts like oh no oh no she didn’t youknow all of these thoughts that I’m having along the way and or like this isawkward you know no I feel the awkwardness and it’s kind of fun I know the only way Icould get out of feeling awkward with them was if I decided that the producerswere all like Frank inviting where they’re taking you know obviously different scenes and they’re adding pauses in there with where there weren’tpauses before and you know and mending it all together in the editing process I’m like this was probably a verydifferent scene and so that’s how I could get myself out of feeling what they were feeling because I was like ohthis is manufactured right but that’s the only way cuz otherwise I would have been like my heart just like your momright honey honey but you know it’s bad and I’m glad you brought that point upbecause I think that part of the communication skills is and definitelyVictoria and Peter I wish that they could hear this because the first thingis there’s what are you thinking what are you saying what is the other personhearing and then what are they making at me then you’ve got to ask yourself couldI be wrong here and so I think the producers are kind of crafting thisbeautifully like they’re twisting it all up and then there’s like what are weseeing and could this all be wrong here I’msure almost all wrong if they had wantedto produce a love story this season that on a bow at the end they could have butno they wanted to something very different oh my god I know oh that’s the interesting thing I can’t wait so who’sgetting played here we are I love it ohmy gosh so that’s five moments Elizabeth I went fast if somebody wanted to findyou online where would they go they would have to be a very good typist and they would go to www-where advisorsdot-com and it’s all spelled out squ a re d AV is o RS comm so you can spellpeople go find Elizabeth on the PI I will also have a link at the show notesLynn Grogan comm slash episode 9 brilliant Thank You Lynn thank youElizabeth this was super fun [Music]
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Meet your host
Hi! I’m Lynn Grogan. It’s my passion as a life coach to help you escape the status quo and live a fulfilling life on your own terms!