Failing Ahead of Time with Felicia Broccolo | The Bachelor S24, E7

Unedited Transcript

Lynn Grogan 0:00
Alright, welcome back to the Bachelor Life Coach Podcast. I’m your host certified Coach Lynn Grogan, and today we’re going to be talking about and coaching on season 24, episode seven of The Bachelor. And with me today, I have Felicia Broccolo, certified life coach. Felicia, why don’t you go ahead and introduce yourself.

Felicia Broccolo 0:18
Hi Lynn! Super excited to be here. I’ve loved The Bachelor for a long time and currently traveling so I wasn’t watching it. But this podcast got me sucked right back in. So I’m very, very excited about it. I am a certified life and weight loss coach and I coach active people who want to stop overeating and get their dream body. So like you guys were talking about previously, in one of the episodes about how we eat to not feel our feelings we drink to not feel of our feelings. That is what I coach on and I help people live their authentic life and get a body that they love without distracting themselves all the time.

Lynn Grogan 0:55
Yes, amazing. And I think where I like I always had an affinity for Felicia is that we both are nomadic and travel full time. So where are you today?

Felicia Broccolo 1:05
So super funny that it lined up with this episode. I’m in Colombia right now. And I’m going to Lima, Peru tomorrow. So funny.

Lynn Grogan 1:15
If you had been there months earlier you would have been like, saw Peter on the street and be like, hey, you remember how you had that moment with Kelley? Now you’re having a moment with Felicia. Ditch these girls come with me.

Felicia Broccolo 1:26
That’s right. And I’m super excited to try that goo stuff that he was eating. You know, I’m talking about?

Lynn Grogan 1:31
Yeah, yeah, I was like, how does someone get this in their mouth immediately?

Felicia Broccolo 1:36
Yeah, I have no idea what it is. But I’m going to find the Peter goo on the streets of Lima, Peru.

Lynn Grogan 1:44
Felicia, that’s nasty. Peter Goo. It goes so many ways. And this is not an explicit podcast. Wow. Wow. Fantasy Suites are… Never mind. I’m gonna stop now.

Felicia Broccolo 2:00
Just to state that was just like way too real.

Lynn Grogan 2:05
Okay I need you to tell me in explicit detail about interviewing to be on the show

Felicia Broccolo 2:11
Yeah so it just makes me really sad watching this whole season because that should be me there with Peter. I’m not going to go any farther back to my last comment but should be me. I applied for this season of The Bachelor before we even knew that Pilot Pete was going to be The Bachelor and I love to travel. I was like oh my gosh, it was him this will be perfect. And I went to an in-person audition like 20 minutes from where I live. There were I think there were over like 1500 girls at the audition so insane. Everybody’s stunning. Gorgeous. There were like three boys that came because boys can like audition as well. But it’s Yeah, I apparently the producers or whoever runs it were saying that they have to like go on the streets and find guys because guys, don’t apply. It’s tons of girls.

Lynn Grogan 3:02
So they had men come and apply. But for like future seasons, I mean, but not for this show is right. Oh, okay. I was like, I would love if they went in that direction.

Felicia Broccolo 3:17
So I applied I think I waited there for like three hours just hanging out. Everybody’s like, all pretty. And you go and take one photo and just stand in line forever. And then you talk to somebody and you just sit there and they ask you like three questions, and you have no time. And I was like, wait, like, I have so much to tell you. Like my life is really cool. Like, let me tell you about me. I’ll be perfect. And they’re just like, okay, yeah, that’s good. And I was like, What?

Lynn Grogan 3:42
What the heck? Wait, what are the three questions?

Oh my gosh, I mean, it’s probably different from person to person, but it’s like, what do you do? What do you do for fun and like, why would you be good on The Bachelor? Like, it was just a few questions like that, that were not and I think like your relationship history, That’s it, and then they send you on your way. It was really short. Yeah. And I found out that apparently 60% of people are chosen from mail in audition. So like, if you send in something like a video, versus 40% are chosen from the in person ones, and there’s so many people at the in person ones, it was crazy.

So what are you going to do next time to get on the show? Cuz clearly you need to be on the show.

Felicia Broccolo 4:25
So one of my friends that’s a guy that I’ve been friends with for forever, The Bachelor people are like talking to him like they want him to be on and he like keeps getting interviews and stuff. And I like want to really low key just want to be like, oh, I’ve secretly been in love with him forever. And then like, get on the show like that. Because they like it when you know somebody. Yeah, it’s gonna be my strategy. But I know I can’t do it because they would find this. And everybody would hate me.

Lynn Grogan 4:57
Ha! We should delete this.

Felicia Broccolo 5:00
Yeah, but it turns out my brain is too mature for this, you know.

Lynn Grogan 5:10
I know because none of them coach themselves. I think Kelley’s very mature but everyone else is it maybe Madison a little bit but everyone else hot mess. And we see how that was Kelley. I know she was just having too much fun. She was nice enough.

Felicia Broccolo 5:26
And I’m pissed about it like I need this is gonna be a like coaching Felicia session on all of the things that happened because, like, why is that bad that she’s having fun? Like she’s me. I just see myself in her. So I was like, It was rude.

Lynn Grogan 5:41
It was very rude. Oh my gosh. Well, let’s do the show. recap. Let’s get into like so we can get to the coaching part. So the group goes to Lima, Peru, where Peter is going to make his final decisions on who is going to keep and who is going to go take to hometowns. Pretty sure he knew going into this what was going to happened, but I don’t know they needed to go through the whole song and dance. So he goes on a one on one with Madison where they go fishing. And then at night, Peter tells her that he’s falling in love with her, which I don’t know that he is supposed to do. I think that’s a no no, I don’t know. Felicia, did you feel that way?

Felicia Broccolo 6:17
I did. I was like, oh, man, but Peter does a lot of no nos. They clearly highlight them. Yes. And I feel like the nos are just gonna keep getting more.

Lynn Grogan 6:31
He thinks the no no’s are going to get them to a Yes, yes, but I don’t think so. That’s right. So then, so she gets a rose, he’s gonna go to Auburn where she’s from. Then he goes on a date with Natasha who also seems to manage her mind too much. They walk about town. They seem to have a good time. But at night, Peter tells her he’s just not that into her. Most likely because she hasn’t stirred up any drama and then they haven’t had any vulnerable moment over her being dramatic. She doesn’t get a rose, she goes home.

Next, he goes on a one on one with Kelsey, where they go four wheeling, which I kind of I’m a hard time believing she’s never been four wheeling before because she’s from Iowa. And I feel like that’s just something you do in the Midwest and being from the Midwest. I can say this. So I think, I don’t know. She’s been she might not want to get dirty.

Felicia Broccolo 7:24
I feel like she’s just a pen girl that doesn’t want to get dirty.

Lynn Grogan 7:27
Yeah, maybe so she’s like, I’m too pretty for this. Yeah, I don’t need to wear a helmet helmet hair. But you know, so they go four wheeling and they roll around in the grass. And then on the date portion, she tells him like all this stuff about potential drama with her family, where she’s estranged from her father but has been talking to him a little bit but hasn’t told her mom about it. Drama, drama, drama. Peter Of course loves this and decides he needs to see for this in person at her hometown and Iowa. She gets a rose.

Then we have this super awkward three on one group date with Kelley, Hannah Ann and Victoria F. He takes all of them aside Hannah Ann has written out a letter for Peter about Peter what she likes about him. I’m pretty sure she probably put hearts over every single I. He goes on to Victoria F who, like, as per usual, has insecurities to share with Peter. She has a lot in common with Peter, which we will talk about later. And then he talks to Kelley who expresses, as we’ve said thus far that she’s just like having a fun time getting to know him. She’s not somebody who caused a lot of drama. She doesn’t see this as a problem. Peter thinks this is a huge problem that she just seems to want to have fun. Ultimately, he sounds Kelley home. Huge mistake, I think. Huge. Anyway, though, hometowns are going to be next week and he’s going to go see Madison, Kelsey, Hannah Ann and Victoria. I’m looking forward to it. But I also think he made a mistake sending Kelley home because I liked her. So anyway, I feel like he’s just like on the level of everybody else, though. I know. I know. And I’m just gonna say this now, Felicia, I think that you’re too good for him. So I’m glad you weren’t on the show. Thank you guys. He also would have made this mistake with you. He would have send you home.

Felicia Broccolo 9:23
It’s true. Just too amazing. Like the other girls that you sent home. I know. We’re saving me for a good one. Bachelor producers. I know they’re going to be listening to this podcast obviously.

Lynn Grogan 9:35
Yes.Oobviously, they’ll be like me that Felicia…

Felicia Broccolo 9:36
Exactly.

Lynn Grogan 9:37
So shall we jump into these coachable moments? Yeah, you ready? Okay, let’s go. So we’re gonna have a nice sound effect. All right. So, we’ll just do it here.

Next. So okay, so let’s go into this first scene. Peter is talking to his mom via Skype. And he of course, has expressed, he’s expressing again his biggest fear, which he keeps saying episode after episode, that his biggest fear is him going all in and committing and at the end that person feels for him, but maybe not in the same way and that person walks away and he is terrified about this. And he makes a lot of decisions based on this. So Peter is very worried about being blindsided, like completely, which, you know, being blindsided being caught an unexpected position, but Peter kind of knows what this would be. Like, it’s not, you can’t really be blindsided, if you already know what that feature would look like. What do you think? Yeah,

Felicia Broccolo 10:53
That’s true. I also noticed that his mom was saying, just follow your heart. Just follow your heart, which I don’t know. I just I would have never thought about this before coaching, but it’s so interesting because, you know, His heart is telling him to follow the crazy girls because, right like, that’s what’s exciting. That’s what’s fun. That’s what he’s doing. But yeah, I was just like, should he really? I following his immediate It feels like immediate gratification. It feels like his, like immediate satisfaction of these crazy girls and then it’s like makeup sex, you know?

Lynn Grogan 11:29
It is like makeup sex. Yeah, it’s like, he like often seems to mistake somebody like in a puddle of tears for them being super vulnerable and open with him. And he sees all of those as a bonding moment. And so somebody’s not crying. He’s very confused, which, you know, actually, my husband and I were talking this week and he was just like, yeah, have you seen the videos of his mom, she’s like, always crying. So when you grow up around somebody who expresses themselves through tears, it makes sense that he would gravitate toward a woman who expresses herself with tears. And it’s not like crying is a bad thing at all. I just think you’re muted. I just think he he’s not necessarily like seeing any deeper than that.

Felicia Broccolo 12:15
Yeah, and that’s a really good point. Because that totally, like the way that he grew up will definitely affect how he sees that now, and if he believes that, that’s what love is, and that’s what connection is. It makes a lot of sense. I didn’t notice that.

Lynn Grogan 12:28
Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, in general, he’s been looking to the past to dictate what the future will look like. So he’s like, I got burned by Hannah Brown. We’re not gonna let that happen again. And so he’s trying to like, find, it’s like he’s not looking for love. He’s looking for the girl that won’t leave him.

Felicia Broccolo 12:47
That’s what it seems like and that’s what he like almost keeps saying, right? Is that like, I’m scared that I’m gonna love her and she’s not gonna love me back which is essentially what that is.

Lynn Grogan 12:58
Yeah. Which is I think what he’s gonna create at the very end of this. He’s gonna like somehow he like he’s kind of been like attracting these like for women he’s keeping along along the way. But I think at some point, something is going to happen where the person he really, really, really wants goes away.

Felicia Broccolo 13:18
What it seems like from these little teasers at the end, but they’re tricky.

Lynn Grogan 13:22
They’re tricky. Yeah. So okay, so let’s say you had a client, you can be the client in a minute if you want to be but like you have a client, who’s just like always thinking that the worst is going to happen to them. Like, how do you talk them through this?

Felicia Broccolo 13:40
So I would first just bring them through what that is creating in their life so that they can see because I mean, that’s what happens for me. That’s what happens for all of our clients. We think that I have to think that this terrible thing is happening to prepare in case it actually does happen. But when we think that we feel something really terrible, we feel scared, we feel embarrassed, it’s never a good feeling. And then from there we go crazy, like a lot of the girls do, right? They like, feel all these crazy things, and then they act all crazy. And then they create their worst possible scenario. And that’s super helpful for me to just walk through with myself with my clients that, you know, just that thought is what’s creating all the freakout and it’s creating the exact same exact thing that we don’t want to happen. And it’s not because of what’s going on around us. It’s just because we’re creating it with our brain. So I think that’s just super helpful to know that to see exactly step by step what it’s creating. Mm hmm.

Lynn Grogan 14:46
Yeah, definitely. Because I mean, that’s exactly what create Peters creating for himself. He’s creating these situations in which basically, he’s planted the idea of leaving and walking away and all these women’s minds and his own. Like instead of just being like, I’m going to find my person, like there’s no downside for him to just be like, you know what, I’m gonna find my wife, no matter what. Like, this process seems to work for some people. So like, let’s just go for it. But instead he just like lives in this fear, like this shadow of fear that something bad’s gonna happen to him.

Felicia Broccolo 15:19
And all girls do that to every single one. They say, you know, like McKenna, I just kept thinking about that. I was like, Oh my gosh, you’re creating this for yourself so bad right now, the way that she would talk about how I’m not getting any attention, she would create no attention for herself, she would create no time for herself. And if you can just so clearly see that. Like, you’re you’re just getting these results by freaking out ahead of time. Yeah, like, I just want to tell you just, PS you don’t have to do this. I know.

Lynn Grogan 15:50
And like, yeah, with my clients, I would just like go to the worst case scenario. Like what is the worst that actually happens? And you know, like, the way that we coach is like, okay, the worst That happens is a feeling okay. Yeah, Peter, you might feel heartbroken. You might feel disappointed, but it’s not because of what somebody else did them walking away. It’s just like, Okay, well, here’s an invitation heartbreak Welcome to being human. But that means that they want your person is totally fine now you have this opportunity to find somebody else who is but when you live in fear of that feeling in the first place, that your person might walk away anyway because you’re not showing up as yourself.

Felicia Broccolo 16:28
Right and I think a lot of people who don’t coach would say the worst thing that could happen is Peter sends them home right and they’re heartbroken and they all these like circumstances all of these actions are the worst thing that can happen. But that they’re that’s what they’re creating as well. When you know when they’re thinking that Oh, he might send me home.

Lynn Grogan 16:50
Then they’re likely getting sent home except for Kelley. Kelley.

Kelley, if you listen to this, Kelley, I love you Yeah, I think What’s interesting too is his other worst fear is that somebody’s being fake with him. And then he gets to the end and they find out there’s someone else, which I think is so fascinating because he always assumes the worst here too. He’s like, if someone’s being quote unquote, fake with me, then I’m going to find out that they’re a person that I don’t like at all. I’m like, or they might be fake with you. And then you find out that you love the person they actually are. Like, he’s always just assuming something terrible’s gonna happen for him for Peter.

Felicia Broccolo 17:27
Yeah, and I like your conversation earlier about like, what is fake even mean? I don’t even Yeah, I don’t even know. I think anybody I think if anybody put a camera on anybody, they’re going to be a little bit different. Like that’s just what happens I think like me talking on the podcast is probably different and talking to you if I knew it wasn’t recorded, but I’m not trying to be it’s just just something happens.

Lynn Grogan 17:52
Yeah, yeah, you’re just like okay, Lights Camera action, which is probably why you didn’t get selected for the season of The Bachelor because they put a camera on you. your true self couldn’t shine out.

Felicia Broccolo 18:03
Exactly. That’s what it was for sure.

Lynn Grogan 18:05
Oh, Peter, shall we move on to number two? Yes.

Felicia Broccolo 18:10
All right, I will take number two. On each date Peter and the women are becoming more future focused. So now that they’re approaching hometowns, things are getting real for them. They’re starting to discuss what their futures could look like.

Lynn Grogan 18:24
Yeah.

Felicia Broccolo 18:26
So one of the things that Peter was asking was, can you really see a future with me and he was asking about a future family and just having them be really, really honest.

Lynn Grogan 18:39
And this is when Madison was saying that.

I think this part is interesting because this feels like the first part, where they’re now actually talking about What you know getting married, like what would that even look like? So I think up until now they’ve been like a little bit dancing around it. They’ve been talking about the drama on the show a lot about their past relationships. And so now it’s like this offer this invitation from Peter like, hey, let’s talk about making babies. Let’s talk about having a family. Which is scary. Like it’s scary to get that part in relationship. Would you agree?

Felicia Broccolo 19:24
Right. Even when it’s only one person dating one person, it’s been more than what maybe three weeks? So it’s in the show? Yeah. But but I think it is such a big thing. And there’s probably so much that even talking about that. They don’t find out like oh, like what time do you wake up in the morning? And what do you like to do? Like do you watch TV? those little things that you just get to know somebody? So yeah, it was a big a big moment to switch that from talking about just right now to could this workout in the future.

Lynn Grogan 20:00
Yeah, could this work out in the future? Um, and so it’s like, yeah, so it’s like living in this possibility of what they could put together. Like, instead of defaulting to everything that has happened in the past for them, and so it is an interesting shift for Peter, because he’s so past focus. He’s so looking at like, the terrible things that happened in the past. I’m amazed he can actually look toward a future with any of them based on how he sees the world.

Felicia Broccolo 20:27
Yeah, I mean, I don’t know. I think he’s, I feel like it’s just so much in his head that it’s hard. There’s so much going on. There’s so much drama. I wonder if he even has time to think about what’s important and to, you know, he probably doesn’t even consider like, what do I want to get to know about them? What do I want to talk about until now? Until he could like, finally breathe? Because it was just reacting to everything going on for so long? It’s like, okay, like, let’s be intentional, and let’s ask something that I really wanted. No, yeah, let’s ask him. Yeah.

Lynn Grogan 21:01
And like, does he even want to know those things? Because I think for Peter, he’s so afraid that somebody’s gonna leave him. And so somebody brings up something that like, maybe they don’t align, like, Oh, I really want to go live in Alaska. That’s my plan after this. If they were to bring it up, or he were to bring it up, like the true things that they actually wanted a relationship, then they would have to make that choice. like okay, clearly, this isn’t going to work out because you want zero children and I want 12. And so I do wonder if there’s even any, any part of this is like them being fully honest. Other than just saying, Yes, I want a family.

Felicia Broccolo 21:40
Yeah, it’s just easier not to know, especially at this stage, she only has, I mean, at the end of this episode, he only has four girls, so

Lynn Grogan 21:47
I know only four four Felicia. Which is crazy. I know. It’s crazy. I’m waiting for one of the batchelors to just to be like, I’m just gonna keep dating all for them. Maybe that’s The crazy twist at the end of this one.

Felicia Broccolo 22:02
That’s good. Maybe when I’m The Bachelorette, I’ll do that one. Yes.

Lynn Grogan 22:06
Yeah. Maybe you just skipped to being the bachelorette right away.

Felicia Broccolo 22:09
That’s a good idea.

Lynn Grogan 22:10
So you know much better. Yeah. And I like I think for this too, is like a lot of these women have a leg up on Peter because they’ve imagine imagining a future with Peter since the before the show started. I mean, you were imagining a life with Peter before the show started.

Felicia Broccolo 22:27
So super funny. I didn’t even actually watch last season. But everybody was just like, Pilot Pete. He travels you guys will be perfect. I was like, all right. Yeah, he’s cute. I didn’t even know too much. But I was like, he travels and he’s cute. Sign me up. I’m in.

Lynn Grogan 22:43
Yeah, totally. So yeah, cuz they’ve all spent the whole season envisioning being like future Mrs. Weber. And he’s just like, trying to remember how to tie his shoes. Right?

Felicia Broccolo 22:55
Yeah. And like he’s just trying to like not kill himself.

Lynn Grogan 23:00
I know, I know. And so like, Yes, they’re starting to look at their futures with a little bit of like, turbulence on the way. But no, but I think it’s interesting and you know, to look at this from a life coaching perspective, because we’re all future focused, like we help our clients see what they could create in the future. That’s a big, big part of what we do. And so I think that’s what’s been interesting watching this show is like, Okay, so here are people living into these selves, that like, who knows what they like? I think this is the biggest surprise for people on the show. They come on the show, and they don’t know what to expect. And all of them say they are affected by the experience at the end of it. Because Yeah, how could you prepare? How could you even prepare, and most of them say they grow from the experience?

Felicia Broccolo 23:48
I don’t know. And I was thinking about this, this this week with like, even my personal dating life that when you’re put in that situation, it’s like, you’re in the survival part of your brain. Probably turns on and you’re like trying to get the prize like you’re trying to get the dinner. And, you know, like, that’s all that your brain cares about. And I think there’s so much scarcity, time scarcity, human scarcity, sex scarcity, that it just becomes such a chase and such a prize that you think it would be hard not to become kind of obsessed with it. I think our brain would just want that so bad. Yeah, yeah. I think I think even like in dating in general, that’s what makes it that’s what ramps up our feelings is when we’re not getting that time and when you know, like the hard to get thing like this is like the extreme of hard to get. And I think it’d be hard for these girls not to you know, for that to like, kick in and it’s almost like survival. Oh, that’s such a good point. Yeah. Because it’s, it’s also the competition of it.

Lynn Grogan 24:56
Like not just for Peter but to get this rose to stay on the show. All the side benefits. Yeah, yeah. I am curious. Are you single? You are saying oh yeah, yeah. But like, how does it affect you watching this show? Because I sometimes have like, thoughts before I got married. I was like, should I have been dating like 30 people at once? Am I doing it wrong?

Felicia Broccolo 25:23
it um, it makes me really excited. It kind of gives me hope. Seeing the way that Peter interacts with some of the girls. I don’t know just him being so sweet and so loving and like there’s lots of good things about him too, and about all the bachelor’s so it’s I kind of think of it like that way. I’m like, oh, like he’s such a good guy. He likes these girls so much he does. You know, he’s so cute with them. And then of course the dates it just like it’s like woman porn. I think like looking at all the romance and the, the dates that they go on and traveling and going on waterfalls. These are legitimately the best date you could ever go on?

Lynn Grogan 26:05
Except for if you get set up to like, go to a country show and your ex boyfriend is the one singing,

Felicia Broccolo 26:11
right? Yeah. But like whose ex boyfriend is Chase Rice? Like my God,

Lynn Grogan 26:16
I know it’s just got to be so hard to be Victoria. All right, well, let’s move on and number three in this very calm episode. So Peter takes Madison..What were you gonna say?

Felicia Broccolo 26:32
We’ll just talk about me instead of the episode.

Lynn Grogan 26:34
We should I know. I was like, I think your and my life have more drama in it right now than this episode did.

Felicia Broccolo 26:39
It was none.

Lynn Grogan 26:40
There was enough. I know. Just a little little bitty pieces. And there was like bonus drama. Peter takes Madison on their second one on one. Madison says that she like really needs to tell him something to make sure They’re on the same page. And it turns out that she’s like, extraordinarily religious, which I didn’t I mean, I guess I didn’t I know she’s, she does not like to not talk about it at all. And maybe she did, and they just edited it out. But this is where we’re finding out that she wants to find somebody who’s just like her dad, essentially. And you know, somebody who will be the faith leader of her family, just like her dad.

Felicia Broccolo 27:24
And just like how Peter wants to find this crying mommy.

Lynn Grogan 27:26
Yeah, she doesn’t cry very much. I don’t know if this is going to be compatible. But yeah, so Madison is just like, faith is my whole life and all of who I am in a marriage. I want somebody who, who also has that relationship with the Lord and loves that about me and wants to raise a family in that way. And I want to know, we’re on the same page about that. So basically, she’s just like, here’s my deal breaker. Can you can you fit into this role that I really want my relationship? And so you know, Peter, Peter, essentially like response to her that he was raised in a Christian household, but his faith can be stronger and he struggles, which I’m pretty sure he knew immediately. Like, this is not when Madison wants to hear. Did you get that sense?

Felicia Broccolo 28:13
Absolutely. And I think if Madison wasn’t on a TV show, she’d be like, for sure. No.

Lynn Grogan 28:21
Like, I think this would be a hard pass for Madison.Oh, yeah. Well, if she didn’t meet him at church, right, I’m pretty sure like, that’s her dating pool. If this is what you’re looking for, why wouldn’t your dating pool be the church? Yeah, yeah, totally.

Felicia Broccolo 28:38
Yeah. With how serious she is. I don’t think if she met Peter and was dating Peter, and they went on this date. And he said, what he said, I don’t think no matter what he said, after he said, I’m not religious.I think it would have been over.

Lynn Grogan 28:55
I think so too. Yeah. Because I think if she would just like actually listen to the words and say You know, somebody saying I feel like my faith could be stronger and I struggle with it. That’s not where she’s at at all. And that’s, that’s a type of shenanigans she probably does not want to deal with. Because that required that would require her to be the strong one, and she wants somebody else to be that person. So to make up for it right away, Peter says that he feels so good about her and he knows that he’s falling in love with her.

Felicia Broccolo 29:26
Are they is that are they allowed? That was the No, no, he’s not allowed to say that. Is he?

Lynn Grogan 29:29
I don’t think so. Like, but I don’t think Madison’s the type of kiss and maybe he knows that too. And that she’s not gonna go blab so the other women who knows. But I think he says that from that place of insecurity. I think he said it just to like, keep stringing her along like Oh, crap. I just said what she didn’t want me to say better till her fall in love with her. Keep her around. Totally, I think yeah.

Felicia Broccolo 29:54
I feel like he definitely had that insecurity of like, maybe I’m not what she’s looking for. And Yeah, gotta save it gotta make sure she stays. Because it seems to me like they have one of the strongest relationships.

Lynn Grogan 30:08
Yeah. And I’m team Madison too. They have a strong relationship but like, I’m interested to see how Madison will handle this because this is one of her deal breakers right here. I think her dad’s gonna sniff it out, no doubt. And so, yeah, I think that would happen.

Felicia Broccolo 30:28
And I’m just so excited for the next episode, those little teasers that they give at the end.

Lynn Grogan 30:35
Yeah, well, and I think here, like, so it’s like, if Madison was my client, and she came to me, and she’s like, Oh, my God, I’m falling in love with this guy, too. But faith is super important to me. I would just like take a minute just be like, Okay, what were the words that he said like, those would be the facts.

Felicia Broccolo 30:52
Those Yeah, and, and I would ask her, like, what if you could have it all? Because I feel like when we’re dating, a lot of times, it’s like Oh, he’s really great. Like, I’ve never found anybody as nice as him before. And you kind of get into that, like, this is probably as good as I could do. But like, what if you could have it all? Like, would you really want Peter if you could have everything that you wanted? In a partner?

Lynn Grogan 31:16
Oh, that’s so interesting. Do you think that way? Like when you’re dating?

Felicia Broccolo 31:22
Yes. Which is why I don’t date.

Lynn Grogan 31:26
What does that mean to have it all? Do you think?

Felicia Broccolo 31:29
I mean, you get to decide what that means, right? I think we place these like, limits on ourself of, Oh, we can’t have we can have the guy this is like really nice or really hot, right? Like, well, we probably can’t find a guy that’s nice and hot and stuff like that. We just decide like where we are. We decided how much money we can make and what job we can have. And, you know, but like, what if that wasn’t true at all? You could have. You could have all of it and there’s no you know, there’s no right like, this is what all of it looks like because it’s different for every single person. But I think once we decide that we can’t have it all, is when we stop getting the fun stuff.

Lynn Grogan 32:08
Yeah, yeah. And for her having it all would be finding somebody that fills that role that she seems to really, really want. Yeah, yeah. And I think it’s interesting too on this show, they set it up to be a fairy tale for anyone, but I think people forget that everyone has their own fairy tale with the fairy tale is they buy into what the show creates, but the show has a very distinct idea of what fairy tale is.

Felicia Broccolo 32:32
It involves music drama and traveling

Lynn Grogan 32:38
I think her fairy tale is to probably to meet somebody at church and like fall in love and just have it all worked out and they have their you know, 3.5 children or whatever. I think it’s important like to check in, like she should have checked in with herself before deciding that this was the fairytale ending. like Peter said he loved her. She’s starting to Feel it feels to wasn’t really that shocking to be like, wait a minute. He actually thought he was struggling isn’t strong and faith, maybe this doesn’t line up.

Felicia Broccolo 33:09
Yeah. And I kind of hope that she doesn’t just get swept away in wanting to win. And I hope she really goes back to that and, you know, puts what she wants first and knows that she can have a guy just as amazing as Peter who also like, aligns with what she wants.

Lynn Grogan 33:28
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she was a basketball player. So the competitiveness, I think is there. She was raised by her dad to be competitive. So I think maybe he’s kicking himself for this one. Yeah. I don’t know if it would last if if she was the final one. I know. Maybe she’s the one that runs away and his mom cries about.

Felicia Broccolo 33:49
I keep thinking that’s Hannah, but who knows what we’re gonna find out soon.

Lynn Grogan 33:53
Five episodes away. Shall we move on to number four? So Peter goes on this one on one date with Natasha. And before he goes on this date, he’s just like, well, not that I want to compare other relationships, but it’s a really good benchmark for me. I definitely don’t want to close myself off to other women. So he goes on those basically being like, Madison is my wife so unless you Wow, me. She’s my wife. Which doesn’t exactly leave you open to other women. Peter thinks it would. Did you get that sense to that? Like he was just kind of like, essentially, she’s my wife and all of you. Other ones are just, you know, just eye candy for a little bit longer.

Felicia Broccolo 34:49
Yeah, what happened to like, being all in with the person that he’s with?

Lynn Grogan 34:54
Oh, that is gone. That has gone the way of whatever. No, now Madison is the benchmark, and everyone else has been compared to her, which doesn’t help his relationship with Madison or any of the other women. Because if you’re constantly like doing this contrast, you’re like, is she better? She better? Oh, I like the way her hair looks. Oh, but she says she can cook. Like you’re spending all that time going back and forth on the comparison trap.

Felicia Broccolo 35:22
Yeah. And then he’s not being with the person that he’s with. Right? It’s probably hard to focus and define things that you like about one person when you’re just thinking about how amazing somebody else is.

Lynn Grogan 35:34
Yeah. I mean, this is something that I run into a lot like when I’m in a room of life coaches, like I just I don’t know, if you do this, like big events, you just scan around the room, like who’s doing amazing and who’s not. Right. And it just, I mean, I just feel like crap when I do that. I can’t see how this makes Peter feel very good.

Felicia Broccolo 35:55
Right, and it doesn’t produce anything productive either. You become more of what you don’t want to be right like when we’re beating herself up or thinking focusing on like the negative thing like oh, Madison so amazing but she like but but but all these negative things that’s what he’s just gonna keep looking for.

Lynn Grogan 36:16
And since we can’t actually like I don’t know more if all these women together into one woman like there’s no point in comparison comparing them that’d be cool though to that would be cool it’s like when you could change the Barbie heads on the Barbies yeah yeah so if you could just change the Barbie head you could just pick the body legs and just switch out heads and it’d be weird but maybe basically where Peters at at this point he’s been playing dolls.

Felicia Broccolo 36:42
Like I like you but don’t spill champagne all over your face.

Lynn Grogan 36:46
I like you. But if you could have just been in love before that would be perfect for me… if you could have a little bit of relationship history. Yeah.

Felicia Broccolo 36:54
I love not having an ex boyfriend that’s here.

Lynn Grogan 36:58
If you could stop saying you have so much fun Right, like, just this, like the way his brain is focused this whole season is just he’s just always looking for the negative. He’s always like trying to watch his own back, which I get. Like, it’s the survival thing that you’ve been talking about, but it’s not what’s going to find you a future. It’s going to keep you like avoiding the arrows that are being thrown at you.

Felicia Broccolo 37:25
Yeah. And I think that’s why that a lot of times, we see that the person who gets the first impression Rose is the person that wins. And I think that’s because like, initially, the bachelor The Bachelorette, their brain is like, hey, like, this person’s amazing. This person could be my wife or husband. And I think their brain just is like, oh, okay, this person could be it. And that’s what they’re looking for in that. That’s probably such, you know, that. Once your brain decides, like, Hey, this is the person this is who I really liked on the first day. They’re not even me. too, but they just keep finding amazing things about that person.

Lynn Grogan 38:03
Yes, it was Hannah Ann right. So how would somebody get around this? Because I think it’s very natural as humans, like, I think we’re designed to compare to make sure that we’re like, fitting in socially and that we’re not going to be ousted from the group. Like, how would you help somebody, like get out of the comparison trap?

Felicia Broccolo 38:22
Yeah, I would say to just honestly, first, the first thing you have to do is know that it’s happening. Because a lot of times people don’t even realize that, you know, it’s an optional thought. They’re like, No, no, they make more money, they’re prettier. They say that. And it’s just like, it’s facts like this is just what’s happening going on around them. And they’re just feeling terrible because of what’s around them. So I think the first thing to do is just realize that everything that you’re thinking about is completely optional, and that your brain is doing this for a reason. It’s doing this to protect you and to keep you safe. There’s nothing wrong with you for doing it. It’s just a human characteristic that you’re like Your brain is working really, really well. If you’re comparing yourself to other people, and just knowing that hope that’s optional, and that you don’t have to believe it. And again, just bringing you back to like, okay, but when you think that, like, How does it feel? What do you do? And how are you showing up? And what else can we practice? Like, how do you want to show up in that space?

Lynn Grogan 39:24
Yeah, yeah. And just being able to see each woman at as an individual, not necessarily in comparison or contrast to another woman or just again, like you said, like, noticing that you’re doing it in the first place and just being like, okay, I hear what you’re saying brain, but I’m here with her on this date. So I’m just gonna keep interacting with her and finding out new information about her and assuming that like, this is this is a the experience that I’m going to have just with her, but it’s I think it’s hard.

Felicia Broccolo 39:54
Yeah, brains just do crazy stuff. There’s just stuff just pops up in there. Yeah. unmanage they go wild.

Lynn Grogan 40:02
Yeah, I think that’s one of the most valuable things that I learned is that you don’t have to believe all that stuff that just keeps coming up.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if we wanted to talk about an episode of Girls Gone Wild and somebody’s brain, I mean, Victoria F, who we should talk about next for sure.

Felicia Broccolo 40:17
Oh, my gosh, what were her quotes? Because she was like, Oh, you’re attacking me? And oh, my gosh, I was in a mode yourself.

Lynn Grogan 40:26
Yes. Let’s Okay, so this will be coachable moment number five. Yeah. So, my gosh. So every time I feel like Peter and Victoria have interact, they just spin in the same conversation. And the problem is, is that they have a lot in common, they’re both worried they’re going to get to the end and the other person is going to leave them. And so Victoria is like, I know what I’ll do. I’m going to leave first with she’s not necessarily always aware of, but she has a little bit and this one she’s like, I think I’m kind of self sabotaging here, because I’m afraid you’re gonna leave me at the end. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she had some good. There’s some good here. Like, this is the only drama of the show that I could detect. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Felicia Broccolo 41:10
So she likes the drama in my brain. Yes.

Lynn Grogan 41:17
So I think the like key quote here is from Victoria, she says, at the end of the day, I don’t want to, I don’t want to get to the end and lose you. So it’s easier to just not have you in the first place. So she’s just like, willing to let to just like push Peter away or let him go without even trying? Because it would feel so terrible if she did try, she thinks would be feel so terrible. She did try and he decided she was not the one.

Felicia Broccolo 41:43
Yeah, and this is I mean, I did this with my first boyfriend as well. I was so scared of breaking up because everybody says, Oh, your first heartbreak is the worst and it’s going to suck and it’s going to be terrible. So I just created that for myself while I was still in a relationship, which is exactly what Victoria is doing. She’s like, this potentially could suck later. So I’m just going to make sure I get the really bad suck right now. Before anything even happens. Yeah, cuz she thinks like, at least it’s in my control right now. This won’t this is this is gonna feel a little bit better than it was at the end if it wasn’t in my control.

Lynn Grogan 42:19
Yeah. And just the only thing that’s different here is just how she’s thinking about it.

Felicia Broccolo 42:26
Right? We just create the worst case scenario immediately. Yeah,

Lynn Grogan 42:30
Yeah, you fail ahead of time, which is essentially what she’s doing. She’s like, Okay, I’m just going to set up this situation where I’m going to be rejected, so that he doesn’t reject me.

Felicia Broccolo 42:38
Yeah. And the other things that she was saying to was, you know, she was like, I’m already pissed off before she even saw it. Right. Like, it wasn’t even nothing even happened. She was just creating pissed off in her head and, and she was saying, like, Oh, I just feel like what you said, I feel like you’re attacking me. But she was it made her attack him. And I think this whole time she’s just attacking herself in the way that she’s freaking out about herself and doubting herself and their relationship. And she thinks that it’s him that’s doing attacking, but it’s all her attacking herself.

Lynn Grogan 43:15
Yeah, totally. And I think it’s so interesting, because you’ll see like, after the show, sometimes they’ll have different like interviews with different women on the show. And they’ll be like, the show makes us do terrible things. The show does terrible things to you. And when you look at the experiences of all the women on the show, like they all are in the same situation, they all have the same circumstances dating one guy. And if the show was actually being terrible to them, and making terrible things happen, then all of them would have the same experience and all of them will be signing the protests and the forms and the petition to like have the show outlawed, but that’s not true. I mean, like all of this seems to me like self inflicted by Victoria, like, did the producer set her up in some way, shape or form along the way? Hundred percent did they all her thoughts that like then got to her head. Yeah, totally. But at the end of the day, she’s creating this experience for herself.

Felicia Broccolo 44:08
Right? She’s creating the pissed off frustration freak out and Kelley’s having fun. Right? But they’re in the same. I mean, we could say Kelley’s even in a worse situation than she is. And she still chillin having fun. I’m gonna lay down See you later.

Lynn Grogan 44:23
I’m gonna take a nap here people

Felicia Broccolo 44:25
Yeah, totally.

Lynn Grogan 44:26
She’s having fun like kind of looking at the other girls guys. She’s a hot mess and she’s a hot mess.

Felicia Broccolo 44:31
So question for you? Why did Kelley not create her own results? If her thoughts were so like, I’ve got this like, this is totally fine. I’m having fun. Why do you think that she went home?

Lynn Grogan 44:46
I don’t think that she was all in on the process like Peter wanted her to be. I don’t think she I think she was like, hey, it’s cool. If he picks me is cool if he doesn’t. There’s many fish in the sea. I think for a lot of the women on the show because I’ve been thinking about this too, is it’s Peter or nothing. Peter, I’m going to be devastated. Peter, this is terrible. And I think for Kelley, she’s like, yeah, it can be Peter or there’s a hot producer over there. There’s this guy over here. I think for her, she’s just open minded. And she’s treating it like an actual dating experience, where she’s just like, I don’t need you to tell me. I’m awesome to know. I’m awesome. I already know. I’m awesome. I think that’s part of it.

Felicia Broccolo 45:24
Yeah, I agree. Because I was thinking about that too, because I was like, watching it. And I was like, Oh, yeah, she’s creating her own results. She’s got this. And then she didn’t. And I was like, Okay, why is that? And I think it’s just because she wasn’t there. Like, I am here to find a husband. Right, like, and that’s what Peter like, that’s what the result would be. Right? Like, that’s what he wanted. And I think she did create, like having fun and a good experience and all of that, but I think what she wanted might not have been what Peter wanted. Yeah.

Lynn Grogan 45:59
Yeah, I think she was just like, Oh, this is just how I date. And I’m not going to change the way I date just because I’m a show with all these other elements. We get to know each other. We have fun. This is how you date. And then at the end, we want to be together cool. Like, this is why, what’s the point? If you’re not having fun is my Oh, I mean, those were the questions I would ask myself when I dated when I was dating, just like, Oh, did I have a good time? Do I want to see this person again? And there were so many times where I was like, a good time. But then when I asked myself if I want to see them again, it was like kind of a no, like, you kind of just know. And I think for Kelley It was like she was met him before the show started. She was like, Oh, did I enjoy meeting him? Yeah, what I want to see him again. Yeah, totally. Oh, the avenues through the show. All right, bring it on. Let’s just let’s just see what craziness this brings. Yeah. Yeah. And I think for a lot of these other women on this show, they need Peter to pick them so that they feel good about themselves. And Kelley already feels good about herself. So she doesn’t know need that external validation and the way that Peter and the rest of the girls kind of seem to need from each other? Totally.

Felicia Broccolo 47:06
And this is an old episode, but I love how McKenna left and I hope that, you know, that was real. And she really did feel that way of her. Like when she left, she was like, I’m amazing. And I was like, Oh, that’s good. I’m glad you think that now.

Lynn Grogan 47:21
I have some different thoughts on that. But you know, if, obviously, those were just my thoughts, but if she did actually legitimately feel that way. I hope she did, too. I mean, I would hope for anybody because I’m always like a little heartbroken for them when they leave and they’re like, well, this means I’m not good enough. This means I’m not good enough. Human Brain for them human brains. I know. And so you know, ultimately, as I’ve already said many times unfortunately, Kelley does not get the rose Victoria f does. And Hannah Ann does and that’s how the show ends.

Felicia Broccolo 47:55
And I’m pissed, right?

Lynn Grogan 48:04
Yeah. Yeah. I wonder how much we don’t see. A lot, my guess. A lot. So that’s our five moments from a very lackluster episode. I think we did good trying to find something that coach on here. Oh, yeah, this was fun. Yeah, super fun. So somebody’s not too fun though. Not too fun. So if somebody wanted to not have not fun with you, as their coach, Felicia, where would they go to find you?

Felicia Broccolo 48:35
Yes. So I have a podcast as well. It is called Abs Are Made in the Mind. Instagram, @absaremadeinthemind. And I also have a personal one where you can see all of my fun travel things. And my name is @feliciabroccolo. Good luck finding it. But that is my name. And yeah, that is also where The Bachelor producers can find me.

Lynn Grogan 48:59
Yes, and They should. And guess so if you want to live vicariously through Felicia definitely go check out any of her Instagrams cuz you know, she’s amazing. So thank you for coming on the show, Felicia.

Felicia Broccolo 49:12
Thank you and until then I will be in Lima finding the Peter Goo.

Lynn Grogan 49:17
Yay.