Hometowns with Cristina Gonzalez | The Bachelorette S20, E6

Lynn Grogan:

Alright. Welcome back to the Reality Show Life Coach podcast. Today, we’re gonna talk about season 20 episode 6 of The Bachelorette. And with me today, I have special guest, Cristina Gonzalez. Cristina, why don’t you go ahead and introduce yourself?

Cristina Gonzalez:

Hello. I am Cristina Gonzalez, and I call myself the Curvy Girl Dating Coach. I am a dating coach for curvy women who are ready to regain their self worth and set their own stand as well dating confidently. And I just help women believe that they’re worthy of love no matter what their size is.

Lynn Grogan:

Oh, and, like, I love having dating coaches on here because, obviously, the topic lends to it. But what is your experience watching the Bachelorette? Like, where are you coming from today?

Cristina Gonzalez:

So I’ve never been a Bachelor fan or a Bachelorette fan. I’ve always been like, I’m not gonna watch it till they have plus size Bachelorette. But, you know, I embraced it this season, and I’ve really been enjoying just, like, all the drama and so now, yeah, I’m interested in watching other seasons to compare it because I’ve kinda looked at some things online and, like, some people, like, in the chat groups and stuff, and they’re like, this is the group of the hottest men and the smartest men of the seasons. And I was like, okay. Well, let me go look.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. I, I would agree with you and and the people online. I was thinking these are solid men. Like, there are a few under 25, Charity kinda kicked to the curb pretty quickly. some not as quickly as others, but, most of the everybody, like, under 25 got sent home pretty quickly. So I think any of the 4 today could be it. It’s wild that we’re already at hometowns. I know you’re new to watching this show, but this is very early. Even though the show runs quickly, this is early. So if it seems like they’re making a lot of comments on, well, it seems really quick. Like, they’re not wrong. It’s pretty quick this time around. It’s at least 1 to 2 weeks sooner than they usually hit this point.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Yeah. I was curious because I thought, like, with 20 guys starting, I thought it was gonna be 21 episodes or something, you know, and I had no idea that she would knock out, like, multiple people in one episode. I thought it would just be one person that goes every time. But — Yeah. — so that was that was interesting.

Lynn Grogan:

She slashed them right out. I mean, obviously, the — producers had a big say in that, but yeah. We’re already at hometowns. Everybody is falling in love with Charity. Charity is saying that she’s falling in love with all of them, which is also actually kinda rare at this point too, because usually the lead has, like, 1 or 2, but it seemed like Charity had genuine feelings for all 4 of them. Like, what did you think?

Cristina Gonzalez:

Yeah. I agree. Like, I think she has, like, interest in different ways. I think they all offer her something, you know, like, some kind of a spark that she’s, you know, that she wants. And so far, I’m not sure if she has it, like, and captured it in, like, one whole person, but, yeah, so I do I can see I was kind of skeptical skeptical about the whole thing. I’m like, how can you fall in love with somebody in, like, 6 weeks? This is ridiculous. You know? And I can see, like, But, I mean, obviously, they spend more than an hour together, you know, like, a week. So I can see where, they can really, like, create emotions and, like, sparks and have, like, I you have, like, no time to, like, mess around. Like, you have to, like, be business. Like, let’s do this. Tell me everything about you. Let’s go. You bet.

Lynn Grogan:

Totally.

Lynn Grogan:

I know. I mean, I think there’s a way in which I wrap my head around this is like, when my my husband and I didn’t really like is gonna sound wild, but we didn’t live apart while dating. Like, I was solo traveling, and I just, like, pulled my I had my RV. I just pulled it up on his lawn. And then I was like, well, if it works out, it works out. If it doesn’t, I’ll just move on. And it worked out. So it’s like weird to like, to me, I’m just like, oh, yeah. 6 weeks. That’s generous, but, you know, I’m coming from a weird weird dating place, I guess, coming into this. Yeah. so We get to Aaron B’s hometown first, Houston, which I think you just said is where you are. So I don’t think we saw much of Houston in this, but we did see I I don’t think they use any of their actual homes in these. I think Airbnb homes that they trust them. Oh, okay. Interesting. But you do see some really lovely lovely family bonding in here. So lots of tears from Aaron’s family members, and Charity seems to fit in just so well with his family.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Yes. I think they really loved them loved her and just you know, his I love the conversation that he had with his dad and I don’t know. It just it was very sweet and very touching, and I really liked how he had a lot of family bonding. Like, it didn’t sound like he would ever bring girls home and be like, here’s my new girlfriend. So bringing her home was, like, extra special. And I can totally relate to that because that was kind of my experience. Like, in the 10 years of being single, I was like, you have to deserve to go meet my family. We’re not there yet. You know? So I can definitely relate to how special that was.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. Yeah. I was surprised when he said 10 years, but I was like, okay. This is, like, this is serious.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Just like me, it was 10 years. Amazing.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. So they had a positive experience. We move on from there Joey’s family in Collegeville, Pennsylvania. Joey, of course, takes her out to play tennis. And very quickly, Joey’s uncle Joe shows up, which I think they were both. They both seemed really like I don’t wouldn’t say upset, but very, like, put that put off. I don’t what would you say their emotion was when he showed up? Just kinda like, oh. 

Cristina Gonzalez:

Yeah. I think they were just kinda in the moment and just having fun together and probably using that as, like, more of a flirtatious, like, let’s figure this, you know, like, he’s in his element, and I’m sure she wanted to really experienced him and his element and what he does best and view his, like, capture his personality that way. And so I think it was kind of a bummer when the uncle came and was like, y’all are weird.

Lynn Grogan:

That captures it really well. I know we’re gonna talk about this a little bit more in the coachable moments. So I won’t say too much more there, but there were a lot of moments here where, Charity went into this planning to tell Joey that she was falling in love with him. And then based on what happened at their hometown, she didn’t say that, and she left in tears, which, I am pretty sure she lied to the Joey and said, no. No. I’m just what did she say to him, like, overwhelmed or something? Or — Yeah. No. They’re happy tears, she said. Yes. That’s right. She did say that. Yeah. I don’t think they were happy tears.

Lynn Grogan:

Next, we move on to Xavier’s Hometown in Cleveland, Ohio. they go to a knitting circle together.

Oh, which is so cute. Just like everything about it. I was like, this is Perfect.

It’s actually wild to me because Charity has been expressing concerns about Xavier’s commitment levels, and she’s not sure about him. But then you see them going into a knitting circle. I was like, what about this screams lack of commitment to you? Right. Yeah. Exactly.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Especially, like, whenever she, you know, had conversations with the family members, I thought it was a little bit, skewed from what he was saying a little bit. Yeah. I think so too. I don’t know. I don’t wanna reveal everything.

Lynn Grogan:

No. It’s all good. I mean, I just I kinda, his family seemed very supportive of the idea him getting married. Yeah. I’m very supportive of, like, him being in a place to do so. And so, I really think this is all coming from Charity’s previous relationship. and any sort of overlap she’s seeing there with savior. She’s, like, putting that on to him.

Cristina Gonzalez:

I wouldn’t say unfairly, but I think we just all do it. when we see it. I think it’s natural to kinda do that little comparison thing, but, I mean, everybody is their own person. You have to kinda remember that. You know? but it’s not gonna be the same experience.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. And, I mean, at the end, he says he loves her. So or he’s falling in love with her. So if she had, like, any doubts at this point —

Cristina Gonzalez:

I think he’s great. I think, like, It was it kinda solidified any kind of questions there. You know, whenever she went and talked to the family, they’re like, he has been ready to find his person. He just gets heartbroken. And, you know, don’t break his heart because he’s really sweet and he’s deserving. So I think that that really, like, for me, I would’ve skewed and be like, let’s do this. 

Lynn Grogan:

So I can see how she’s falling in love with, like, everybody at the same time. Totally. And I think What she got from Xavier’s family is what she was secretly hoping to get from Joey’s family and didn’t. And so when you see those 2, like, hometowns back to back with each other, you’re like, oh, okay. see why she’s a little disappointed there. and then we have our final hometown with Dotun in Fresno, California. Oh, man. What did you think of his family?

Cristina Gonzalez:

I love them. I love his parents. I love his little mama. She’s so cute, and she’s like, just gifting her and, you know, and just embracing her and, like, for them to make a commitment to come down when they were already, out of town. I just thought it was just so sweet, and I love the drive in.

Lynn Grogan:

I know they go to that drive in, and they see that, like, pictures of each other growing. and then what does Charity say at the end? Like, is there more? I bet she would have watched that on repeat for hours.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Yeah. For sure. I know. I don’t, like, wanna watch the rerun with my boyfriend and be like, you know, step it up. Like, I need a personal drive in with all of our pictures in, please. Thank you.

Lynn Grogan:

I actually know of somebody who did that, and that’s how we proposed. So I’m just saying not out of left field. It’s not just the Bachelor where this happens. no, I have a little note here. Like, can they get engaged already? Like, I have made it known through every every one of these episodes that I’m like, I love him. No. I think he I think they’re so good together. 

Cristina Gonzalez:

But — Yeah. I think he’s very, like, raw and, like, honest and caring. And I feel like he is really there for for her and, like, to experience love instead of, like, winning a contest or beating people out, like, having this little macho contest with people. You know, I think he’s always been very, like, just chill and out of the drama and just, like, very observant of all the people and being like, you know, I got this. Like, it’s not a cocky way, you know, like, a humble way.

Lynn Grogan:

Very humble way. Yeah. Like, later, it would be like, oh, yeah. There were other people there. I didn’t even notice. Like, that’s how I’d kinda get the sense of him. He’s just like — Right. — not really that bothered at all by her dating anyone else. He’s just like, yeah, this is just the way it is. It’s like, but you’re right. It’s not cocky, and I or arrogant. 

Cristina Gonzalez:

He’s just ready to do this. I don’t know. I think so. I love him. He’s one of my favorites.

Lynn Grogan:

He’s, yeah, definitely. And, I mean, at the end, they go to the rose ceremony at an airplane hangar and I don’t know. I turned my husband and I was just like, if Dotun doesn’t get a rose, I’m done. Like, I’m done here, but, of course, he gets the first rose, followed by Xavier and then followed by Joey and Aaron B goes home.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Yeah. Whenever she was giving him out, that’s the exact order. I was like, this is the order of her people. Like, she needs to, you know, I mean, I was like, this is exactly who she, like, what she needs to think. Like, we’re on the same page. Yeah. I was gonna ask you, like, what what, which ones would you pick for her? But that kinda says it all right there. Yeah. For these last, three guys, like, You know, Aaron is very sweet, and he’s very kind, and he is very loving. I just he it was a little turn off for me. And, like, in the beginning, you know, when he was just like, hey. I’m just letting you know what’s going on in their house, and I’m here to protect you. And it’s like, She you know, I just feel like that’s, I don’t know what it’s really called, but it’s like when somebody is trying to be, like, the innocent person and, like, the, like, not necessarily the victim, but the innocent person, but there’s still the shit stirrer. I’m sorry. Was I last cuss? Oh, come on. And so he’s really kinda stirring the pot a little bit. And, I don’t know. I just feel like it’s let the guys do the guy thing. Let her experience things, and she’s smart. She will figure things out. You know, does that make sense? That was my own little turn off.

Lynn Grogan:

It totally makes sense. There’s always somebody every season, and I think that they’re wanting to paint Aaron in, like, a nice enough light for future seasons. Either he’ll go on to some of the spin off shows or something because usually when somebody does that, they make them out to be more of a villain. Like, they lean heavily into that. And they sort of did, but, you know, maybe because he did make the final 4, they didn’t, like, villainize him too much, but Right. Yeah. I also agree with that. yeah, I agree with her picks 100%. I Actually, after the first one, I was like, well, maybe she’ll keep Aaron, but who is she, you know, who is she gonna, like, send home since she seems?

Cristina Gonzalez:

really on board with Jolie. — had more time, more one on one time with the wrestler. I don’t know why. I just I just found him interesting. And I’m like, come on girl. Give him a chance. Like, just see what he’s about. It was so funny. I don’t know something about him.

Lynn Grogan:

I love that because I didn’t expect you to say that at all. And I was like, but he wants a surprise. He was I thought he was gonna be so gimmicky. And I was like, oh, he’s kinda hard at gold over there. Yeah. You sounded really sweet. So it’s like — Yeah.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. Caleb, his name was, I think. So — So shall we go into these coachable moments? Yeah. Absolutely. Do you see ones to talk about? Well, I think we were gonna talk about first because you had some We’re gonna just talk about, like, sending Aaron home. When you still kind of have feelings for someone, they both have feelings for each other. And honestly, like, I think most of us are used to, like, one person breaking the other person’s heart or having something that feels very complete, and that’s why you’re ending things, but they really didn’t have And I was just wanting to get your insights on, like, this this whole idea.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Yeah. Like, I mean, I think that breaking up with somebody when you have no reason to, it’s it’s it’s hard, especially in this show. Like, that’s what because I remember at the very end when she, like, let him go. She was just like, it’s there’s nothing. It’s just this is what it is. I don’t know her exact quote, but she’s very much being like, I just this is I have to pick somebody. You know, I’m so sorry. And it didn’t really have a problem. But, like, when I’m thinking about this question, it’s just like real dating in the real world. Like, a lot of people

Lynn Grogan:

Circular date, and they’ll have, like, 22 or 3 people. Okay. Play. Wait. Pause. Please explain the concept of Circular Dating because I know that this is, like, something I’ve heard of in the past, but, like, what would be, like, the Wikipedia definition of certificate dating? Well,

Cristina Gonzalez:

I know Patty Stenger is a millionaire millionaire matchmaker. Like, I’ve always had this in my head. So she always says you’re you should have a pair and a spare. So you should have 2 like, it’s okay to, like, not put all your eggs in one basket and kind of see what’s going on, like, put some fillers out. Right? So your pair are your two people that you wanna go on dates every weekend, you know, with, and you wanna like, get to know them more. And the spare is like, okay. They’re they’re busy, so I’m gonna I’m gonna say yes to the date, which is there. But, I mean, there’s nothing wrong with his spirit, but and he’s just not the one that’s really trying to get in there. He’s probably he’s probably a very nice guy, but his personality isn’t, you know, showing up to, like, I’m not saying all men need to be aggressive, like, at all, but you you did does that make sense, though? Like, the number 1, if you were kinda really in her face and 3 is kinda just taking it easy. And you can’t really compare yourself to somebody because you don’t know. So it’s He’s just being himself, but, you know, so it’s like number 3 kinda just gets like, you know, it falls off. because number, you know, 1 and 2 are great, or number 1 could be like, okay. We’re done. Red flag. Figure this out. you’re out of here and then number 3 can move up. He gets promoted. You’re right. He gets promoted to number 1 or number 2. Right. Yeah. So he doesn’t know, but so Circular dating. It’s like those number threes sometimes just get left behind and they’re really nice and there’s nothing wrong with them, but they’re just not showing up. And I really think that that’s kind of you know, what she said. Like, I need more time with him. And, sure, everybody needs more time to get to know somebody. You know, we all do, but when you have, like, a a curt, like, a not curfew. It’s the show and you gotta pick somebody.

Lynn Grogan:

TikTok. You just gotta do it. I had heard of Circular Dating in the past a little bit differently. again, I’m very, like, not familiar with the concept. Haven’t tried it. I thought it was interesting though, where it was, like, It was actually more official in the terms I had heard. It was like — It might be. But that was my reference. I think there’s multiple. No. No. No. I like both, but I was like, this this other way, it has stuck in my mind for years because I think it’s fascinating. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, like, it comes like a similar ish term, but it was like eight men, eight women, everybody dates each other a certain length of time and you don’t break it off, you have to, like, keep an open heart to everybody until, like, the end of the time, and then you decide who to go forward with with and — Oh, okay. I’ve never heard of it. I I don’t remember where I heard of it, but I just remember being fascinated by it. So it’s a similar ish concept to what you’re talking about where — Yeah. — you don’t just have the one option. You kind of keep yourself open to multiples.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Right. Yeah. And it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be like, in this, like, really strong compassionate relationship, but you’re just getting to know people. You know? And it’s like, okay. This person doesn’t display, like, who my ideal person is. So you know, they have some red flags. So we’re just gonna let him go and we’re gonna, you know, just, like, just being open minded until you have that one person that’s just, like, whisking you, like, you know, sweeping you away and just like — Yeah. — you’re really excited to be around. So my boyfriend did not have that concept at all. He was like, He’s like, I deserve your full attention. He’s like, if you wanna date other people while we’re getting to know each other, you know, the I’m not the right person for you. Like, I deserve a percent attention. I was like, okay. We can try.

Lynn Grogan:

That’s correct. I like it.

Lynn Grogan:

Why do you think Charity was so emotional letting Aaron go?

Cristina Gonzalez:

I think she just I think she did feel a vibe with him. Like, she did mention a couple times, like, I imagined my kids coming over to, you know, to his their grandparents house and hanging out and us doing family stuff. So I think that she did feel that, like, real close connections, like, to his family. I I think she was I mean, I honestly think she was crying just because maybe a little bit of overwhelm. Like, am I she’s mentioned, like, am I taking the wrong, like, am I sending home the wrong people? So I think she has, like, Maybe I don’t know if it’s like a perfectionism or something, but, like, oh my god. I did something wrong, and it’s like the wrong decision. It’s like, It’s just a decision. It’s okay. And, you know, if the person that picks you, like, where you pick at the end and y’all break up, you got Aaron, you can call him.

Lynn Grogan:

And we’re just gonna say that. I’ve seen so many times in this show where you’re like, oh, that person dated this person after, and this person in this, like, it’s — Yeah. The doors aren’t closed. There’s this Yeah. You know, I think she, you know, just needed to make a a choice. And I think she cried because, you know, she felt that connection.

Cristina Gonzalez:

and just, you know, just you you gotta make a decision, girl. Like, if the show’s gonna you gotta make a decision.

Lynn Grogan:

I know. Well, and I think too is I do think that there’s probably a certain level of needing to let go or whatever. But, I mean, I I do wonder how much of this is coming from a, like, I worried, I mean, if a mistake, like, you brought up, or, like, I’m worried I’m gonna regret this in the future, but I have to imagine that when she was evaluating, it was like, well, I mostly think about Dotten and Joey when, you know, maybe a little bit of Xavier thrown in there, but Aaron is somebody I haven’t thought about in a while. Like, it probably just came down to, like, who’s occupying like, head and heart space as much. Yeah.

Cristina Gonzalez:

I agree. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Which is, like, kinda what I was saying with the Circular Dating. Like, the first two people are, like, really in it And she’s like, her mind is that’s where her mind is. And he’s pro he’s the number 3 or the number 4, technically, that, you know, she just wanted it to work, and it just didn’t.

Lynn Grogan:

You know? And I think or I wonder for her is maybe it would have felt better if she just had a reason, at least in her own mind, of why she was sending him home, even if she didn’t say it out loud, like, well, a bad kisser, whatever, you know, or — Yeah. — we just didn’t buy. For sure. But I just I don’t know. I think she just didn’t have a a decent thing to say, and wanted to, like, have have some some way of completing it. Yeah. And it just it’s just kinda incomplete. It was just like, you know what? It just didn’t It just didn’t work out the way it did with other people, maybe in the real world. If we were the only people dating each other, we wouldn’t have kept on. Yeah. And I feel like she does I think her crying is trying to show him empathy. Like, you know, it’s

Cristina Gonzalez:

we just didn’t work out. You know, like, she’s definitely showing empathy. She’s definitely showing, like, that she is sad to to have his loss or grief is lost. But, again, like, there’s there’s other people there that are making her just Her attention is a little bit more drawn. So — Yeah.

Lynn Grogan:

if Charity was your client and she came to you with this situation, like, what would you say to her?

Cristina Gonzalez:

Oh, that’s a good question. I don’t know. I mean, I I think I would just tell her, like, have her own back, you know, decide, like, you’ve got these 4 guys, you know, which one is, like, I I don’t believe in a checklist, but I do believe in, like, a loose checklist You know what I mean? Like, as far, like, and not necessarily, like, you have to be this tall and you have to have this education, but more of, like, in your feelings? Like, does he make me happy? Do I feel comfortable? Do I, you know, like, do I see myself with his family? How is my demeanor? Does he care about my thoughts? Does he, you know, like, that real, like, core values of, like, does he is he supportive of my goals? Is he does he have goals? Like, she said, I think about Xavier, like, there’s nothing sexier than, like, a driven man that has, you know, that knows where he’s going. And, I mean, it’s true. Yeah. So I think I would just tell her, like, you need to start making the little pros and cons list on who’s, you know, like, Who is fitting that and who you feel the most comfortable with and, you know, have your own back and just trust your own decisions. You know? Yeah. Like, it’s just a decision. And, you know, you have to, like, really be confident in, like, you know, like, you gotta remind yourself, I guess, for her particularly in the show, it’s, you know, you gotta you gotta pick somebody. You know? It’s gotta go with it. Yeah.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. No. I mean, and that’s such good to hear advice, though. Is — Yeah. — is I think she just felt probably bad for him, bad that she met his family. And so it’s just kind of like like, of course. Of course. You’re somebody who cares. Like, of course, you’re gonna feel this way. I think in the next episode they tease that somebody comes back. I’m sure it’s Aaron. Don’t you think?

Cristina Gonzalez:

I hope it’s not Raiden.

Lynn Grogan:

Anybody but freedom is our vote here, Gus. I hope it I mean, I have

Cristina Gonzalez:

confusing thoughts about him. Like, I like it. I have a love hate relationship with him. But, I hope I mean, I think if Aaron might be the the person, like, give you another chance. I think so. I mean — — that more time. Like, you said one time.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. And I think her heart’s still a little bit conflicted about it, so I could see that. But we’ll see. But, yeah, I mean, I thought I don’t know. It’s it’s just it is interesting because usually at this part of hometown, there’s, like, a couple, like, at least one, if not 2 of them, and are very clear. Like, okay. That’s the ultra spare here, you know, to use your Circular dating. Yeah. You’re, like, That guy is very spare or, like, she only brought him along because she was obligated contractually to have 4 at hometowns. Yeah. And I didn’t think that was necessarily the case here. And, you know, yeah,

Cristina Gonzalez:

lots of tears. — tear the other the other seasons and their hometowns to this one. but, yeah, I mean, I I honestly felt like she was really interested in them, like, genuine.

Lynn Grogan:

It would have been, like, if she brought Tanner home. I mean, to to Tanner hometown from, like, just didn’t know much about him. Just was like, okay. You check some You don’t see muffled, so therefore. So yeah. Yeah. well, so what did you think about if we’re gonna move on to Joey? Uh-huh. Like, what did you think about? Cause there’s, like, she goes on this super excited. You can tell she’s excited about everything. She probably has a lot of thoughts that this is gonna go really well just based on everything he said about his family. And then uncle Joe shows up And he expresses both to Joey and to Charity. Like, hey. Do you think you’re actually getting the real person? He’s been such a pleaser in the past. and this throws Charity off. What did you think about this?

Cristina Gonzalez:

I I was a little surprised. You know, I like, her face was just what my mind was too because she was like, what? Like, he’s not himself.

Lynn Grogan:

Like, what else would be here? Yeah. Exactly.

Cristina Gonzalez:

But, you know, I feel like, like, you have to just trust what’s in front of you? Like, I don’t know. Like, I understand that uncle joe ate knows has a long history with him and knows his people pleasing. I’m definitely a people pleaser too, sir, or recovAarong people pleaser. So I get it. You know, like, trying to be somebody that you’re, that you’re not. I think a lot of people tend to do that because they want to, you know, fall in love, and then they’re so excited. And then there’s this person right here, and they’re like, you know, they’re great. So what do I need to do to make sure that they know that I’m great, you know, too? And so, like, with with her, like, I think she just needs to trust, like, that he is being authentic. I think if it’s I mean, I understand it’s a turn off. Like, What did I say in my notes? Like, I have a trust, like, a minimum baseline of trust. And, yes, you have to earn you know, the trust as it goes along. And I think that she needs to give it a little time, but, I mean, she’s kinda running out of time here, but She’s running out of time. Did you pick up on any, like, people pleasing tendencies with

Lynn Grogan:

Joey throughout the season?

Cristina Gonzalez:

No. I think he’s I think he’s just cute and fun and quirky. Like, they’re always making out. And so I think they have this, like, little, like, less full, like, infatuation, like, like, oh, yay. Like, we’re bubbly and we’re cute, and we like to make out. So I don’t really know, like, the depths of their conversations. Like, if it’s been really like, is it this just, like, love, cute family, like, romcom kind of love, or is it, like, for real for real?

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. Yeah. because it one of the things that I thought about too is somebody can, like, identify as a people pleaser, but they might be doing it around specific people. Like, maybe Joey did that around Uncle Joe a lot. Uncle Joe seems to have a very strong personality. may have — Through. You know? and so I don’t know. I think sometimes we have that. I, you know, like, can self identify as a people pleaser, but is it with everyone? Not necessarily.

Cristina Gonzalez:

That’s a really good point. And, like, you’re right. He did have a very strong personality. So I could see especially as guys, like, not that I’m a guy expert or anything, but, like, where you wanna have that, like, acceptance from that person that you look too. Like, he did say that he was, like, the most important person in his family life or whatever. And, like, I can see where you’re, like, people pleasing that person so that you can show up as, like, a man or something in their eyes. Or, you know what I mean? Like, proud of, like, he’s looking for Uncle Joey to be proud of him.

Lynn Grogan:

So I can see that people, please. Yeah. And maybe it’s not as much with Charity, like, or maybe that side of him doesn’t come out. But in any case, you know, what you’re talking about before with, you know, Charity trusting her gut or having her own minimum baseline. I think She’s really faced with it here because now she’s giving this conflicting information that she hasn’t even thought of before.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Exactly. Like, my shidgy that’s definitely, like, a slap in the face when somebody is like, you know what? He’s probably not himself.

Lynn Grogan:

Like, from the very people who, you know, family, she’s very close to her family. Like, in her opinion, family knows you best. I mean, obviously, that’s not the same for every family in the world, but, you know, in Charity’s world, like, you know, the people that you meet are probably gonna have a, you know, pretty good opinion of you. and they’re just not really promoting, Joey, because it’s not just Uncle Joe. It’s the rest of Joey’s family. It was like, we’re very protective, and it’s like, wait a minute. Why does he need protecting?

Cristina Gonzalez:

Yeah. And I thought, like, maybe you know, in his history of, you know, breakups that, like, maybe he just gets, like, really, really down and very much, like, losing his self worth. And, you know, they probably are like, oh my god. Don’t get a girlfriend anymore because we’re taxed. We can’t we can’t boost you anymore. — have that one girlfriend that’s always, like, super traumatic and you’re like, oh my god. Can you please stop dating these guys, please, so you can Nothing. Stop talking about the same thing. You know, so I’m sure, like, it’s a lot. Like, it’s really heavy on the family when he’s really down. so they’re probably like, just please don’t break his heart. Please don’t. You know?

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. I don’t know. But it’s I don’t know. I can I can I can see where charities come from feeling doubtful when she thinks about, like, everything that went down because You know, it’s they’re almost painting this fragile picture of Joey. Mhmm. And she had been kinda seeing him like, oh, no. This is like a man that I wanna marry. Right. Sensitive. You kind. He’s, yeah, for sure. Yeah. But I don’t really know anybody that doesn’t revert to, like, at least some version of their fourteen year self when they’re around families. So, I mean, they might be seeing, like, that version of him. I mean, Joey lives in Hawaii at this point. How often do they actually see him in his element as an adult. So, but, yeah, I think, you know, you had some, you know, kind of had said about Aaron, you know, same in the Joey situation. Like, she’s gotta, like, this is where she’s gotta, like, draw from her depths of trust in herself.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Right. Yeah. Have her own back. Exactly. Like, I think that she needs to decide, like, what’s more important, like, trusting my own, like, intuition and, like, myself and what I want. or, like, listening to these people. Like, and like you said, do they, you know, do they know him now? How often do they see him? Like, you know, like, has he changed? People change. people, you know, mature. People, like, make different decisions in their life and, you know, for the better. So, I mean, There’s we don’t know all that information. You know? So she’s gotta just either like, she’s gotta figure out how to trust her gut on Like, is she gonna go with her own intuition and how she feels about him right now without those sentences that just came into her head? — or if she wants to go off of that.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. It is it was interesting because she had, you know, gone into this. I’m gonna tell him I’m falling in love with him. not saying that about any of the other men that she went to and was not even gotten. And that piece of information Sways her from actually saying the words. So I’m just like, I wonder if that also kind of cracks her trust in herself too because it’s like, wow, I was so sure before, and now I’m not a sure. So wrong. Yeah. That’s true. That could be like

Cristina Gonzalez:

I can see that. Like, I can see, like, when Joey was like, everything was growing great. I thought it was such a great night. And, you know, she left crying, and she says they’re happy tears. Like, I can see his confusion. And I’m sure when he watches this, he’s gonna be like, thanks, family.

Lynn Grogan:

I thought the same. I thought the same. He’s gonna be like, y’all are at budgets. Right. That’s kind of what I thought too.

Lynn Grogan:

but it does show, like, how in tune he is. too. Charity, emotionally, that when she said happy tears, he’s like, I’m not buying that BS. Like, no. Those are not happy tears. — know that there’s something

Cristina Gonzalez:

wrong and you know, I don’t know if he has time to, like, have that conversation and redirect it and you know what I mean? She definitely has to have, like, a very, good sit down conversation and get real with him real quick if she’s considering him in the next episode.

Lynn Grogan:

Mhmm. It’ll be interesting to see what next week brings because of how she’s feeling going and going into this. and then you really saw, like, that experience impact her time with with, Dotten, because that’s one of the questions she asked. It’s like, do I do you think I’m getting the real guy? And Dotten’s family was just, like, Where did this question come from kind of? They’re just like, yeah. Of course, you are. Like, you’ve never been anything but himself. And so, I wonder if that did more to build her trust in Dayton just because his family was just like, no.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Like, this you’re getting the man that we all see too. Right. And I think that that tells a lot even, like, with Joey, like, for her to ask that question, they’re like, well, that’s a dumb question. Of course. He’s fantastic. Like, you know, like, he’s he is what he is at home and with you and, you know, he’s happy and great. You know? And then to compare that to Joey’s family where they’re like, well, he’s, you know,

Lynn Grogan:

like, yeah, he’s not actually quite a catch. I don’t know. Right? It’s some it’s some time to grow up kind of thing. one, I think this type of situation is interesting too because it’s like, how can you not compare each person to another? Mhmm. And it’s like you’re constantly comparing to your ex boyfriend because, I mean, she’s been talking about our ex boyfriend this whole season too. And so it’s basically, like, We have these 4 men and then also my ex. And I don’t know. Just navigating that space that makes it hard for you to be truly present with the person in front of you, I think. Yeah. If you’re, like, constantly, like, weighing them out against each other and you have the added pressure from a proposal in, like, 2, 3 weeks from now. I know. I think that is so

Cristina Gonzalez:

weird. Like, it’s because she talks about it a lot. I understand that this is the goal of the show is to be proposed to, but I feel like that if it’s a lot of pressure. Like, why can’t they just date? Like, you know, like, Brandon said it pretty much, like, again, love hate with him, but He’s just he’s like, look. I I don’t know if I’m ready to get down on one knee, but I’ll find, you know, the person that you choose, I’d love to date you. Yeah. Yeah. I’ll give you my number. — possibility of marriage, but I’m not sure I have a ready to, like, hand you this ring and, like, be excited about it. And, you know, I can’t hate him for that. I can’t. And I think they just kinda mentioned the same thing to her, like, that he was just scared, but he’s you know, what’s to get to know her, but is the actual ring part? I feel like that’s so — Yeah. — pressure.

Lynn Grogan:

It’s a lot of pressure. It’s almost like you would rather have somebody be like, wanna get to the point where I am, like, secure and dating you after this because you get the flip side of it where somebody’s like, yeah. I’m ready to be married. It’s like, Is it just the next woman that comes along that you wanna fill the spot with or man if you’re watching, you know, the Bachelorette, or is it me? Like, is it me that you want? And I think you find out pretty quickly after the show ends whether or not they do have that true connection because so many of them break up after the fact. Right. I mean, I could definitely understand that. Like, I mean, and that’s the thing. It’s like,

Cristina Gonzalez:

an an engagement, again, like, it’s a lot of pressure, but it’s it’s You know, you’re not married yet. It’s not permanent.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. I do think that’s hard. Yeah. Like, I I got married later in life, and I know that, like, a lot of the women that I coach who are a little bit, like, you know, 38 to 42. It’s, like, there’s, like, almost If it wasn’t, you know, the show obviously adds pressure, but I think we can add pressure on ourselves too. It was just like, okay. Wait a minute. tiktok. We’re getting to this point. And I’m sure, you know, this comes up with your clients as well of, like, just like, woah, how do we release the pressure? And I think it is a it can be a choice, even on a show like this, to think about it a little bit differently, even if there’s this external expectation that a certain thing’s gonna happen. Yeah. I think I, agree. And I I that would I I am that kind of client.

Cristina Gonzalez:

I was that kind of client. Like, I you know, I dated from, like, 27 to 37. And, like, after I hit 30, and I was like, this is crazy. I’m supposed to be married already. Like, I didn’t really enjoy all the, like, awesome milestones that I had, like, buying a house by myself and getting, like, enjoying my career and, all this stuff because it was like, well, nothing nothing matters because I don’t have a man. You know, and I was like, come on. Like, this is not true. So it took some time to, like, really be proud of every everything that I have accomplished in alone and learn that the partner that I want is somebody that’s gonna, like, compliment me and be the cherry on top and not be the person that completes me. Like, I’m trying to tell people, like, you are already complete. Like, stop trying to like, I hate the phrase. Like, oh, you completely. No. I know. That’s, like, not my favorite phrase at all.

Lynn Grogan:

No. No. And, I mean, that’s what they’re trying to promote on shows like this of, like, I’m looking for my other half looking for the person to complete me. So it’s like not only are we worried about this proposal, but now you’re worried about, like, not being this complete human. You’re looking for somebody to fill it in. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And to your point from before, it is almost like Charity wishes she could smash all four of these men together and like, oh, I’ll I’ll, like, Let’s let’s create one human from all of you. I like many aspects of all of you, and, obviously, that’s impossible.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Exactly. Poor thing. But, yeah, so, I think just it’s gonna be okay. She’s gonna make the decision that serves her the most.

Lynn Grogan:

She will. She will. And, you know, I mean, one of the things where you can just kinda tell, it’s almost like her stress o meter. Like, if you were to see, like, a gauge, It was, like, pretty chill at first. And now we’re getting into, like, the red zone where he’s like, okay. I am full blown overwhelmed. Yeah. Like, fetal on the floor. know how I’m gonna make decisions. Like, you kinda get that sense that we’re, like, edging towards that part.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Right. Yeah. How do you feel like, about how is your, like, what are your thoughts about that whole propose proposal thing at the end? Like, like — Yeah. — just the whole concept.

Lynn Grogan:

I mean, I wouldn’t say it doesn’t work for some people. But, yeah, historically, I mean, they’re trying to make good TV 1st and foremost. And I think it is a gimmick for TV because if they’re just like, hey. You’re gonna be in a room with 20 guys. And at the end of it, you’re gonna find somebody to be, like, boyfriend girlfriend with doesn’t sell. And, like, they wouldn’t be on for this many seasons, otherwise. sure.

Cristina Gonzalez:

but do does the lead have to think about it that way?

Lynn Grogan:

I mean, I don’t know if they all have. I think Some of them keep it in their back pocket. Like, yeah. We’re getting “engaged”. 

Cristina Gonzalez:

That’s what I was thinking. Listen. We don’t have to get engaged. It’s just You know, like, it’s gonna be okay. I’ll, you know, I’ll still say yes for TV, but, you know, like, I I get it.

Lynn Grogan:

Totally. And, like, next week when they have fantasy suites, most people report after the fact that, like, yeah, we didn’t, like, bang the time the whole time. We, like, actually sat down and talked about, like, our futures together and talked about what we wanted. And I suspect behind those closed doors, people talk about, like, okay, listen. Like, I know this is pretty fast and, you know, fast in terms of collectively, they probably spent, you know, 10 hours together at that point. I’m like Right. We recognize that we might need a, you know, 1 to 3 year engagement after this. Exactly. Yeah. And that’s okay.

Cristina Gonzalez:

You know, but they won’t publicly admit that. Right. And, you know, I was thinking that too. I’m like, well, she can say yes and pick the person that she wants to be engaged to, but it’s not like they have to get married in the next week. Like, it could just be a long engagement and so they can actually learn how to date. You know? Right. It gets to know each other and, like, just feel what it is in the real world. And, like, also, like, do I wanna move to Hawaii, or do I wanna move to Houston?

Lynn Grogan:

Right. Or are you moving to me? Yeah. Right. that. All of that. Right. They’ve never even text messaged each other. Like, let’s let’s exchange some messages first and see how that goes and hang out with each other’s friends and family in real life. So I don’t know. Like, It’s hard not to get sucked into it a little bit, but at the same time, I think it’s almost if she can take a step back and realize, you know what? I have options here. I’m getting proposed. I know there’s this common idea, like, oh, but I only wanna do this once in life. Well, you would sign up for the show. So maybe you’re maybe this is, like, proposal in quotes, like, oh, I only wanna have one TV proposal in my life. We could have others off the screen.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Exactly. It’ll be okay.

Lynn Grogan:

Yeah. Yeah. Was there anything else on your mind as you watch this? I love that you’re seeing this all for the first time with fresh eyes.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Yeah. no. I mean, I all I’ve really just thought it was weird. I’m like, I cannot be on a show that it’s like that I’m gonna be like, if I was on a bachelor or wait. Yeah. Like, if I was with on the bachelor, I guess, I’m like, I can’t make out with you if I’m number 20. I can’t. Like, just, like, pick me on a solo date, and and we’ll talk about it, but I I can’t be sloppy 20 if

Lynn Grogan:

That’s lovely, honey. Oh,

Cristina Gonzalez:

and so but good for everybody who can. And that means there’s no judgment on anybody in the show at all. Like, no judgment on her. I get it. It’s the show, but, like, in the background, in the real world, I don’t know if I could if I could handle that.

Lynn Grogan:

I know.

Lynn Grogan:

I know. I think I would just be like also, like, I would the whole process of filming seems like it would be so boring to me, like, go sit on this couch. We’re not gonna give you anything to entertain yourself with. Like, I think after a while, I’d just be like, I’m bored. I’m going.

Cristina Gonzalez:

Yeah. It was funny because, like, you were saying about the Airbnb houses, like, how they’re all, you know, Airbnb houses. I was like, How come everybody’s house has a bench in front of their house? I was like, I don’t know anybody who has a bench. Like, I know y’all put that there.

Lynn Grogan:

They don’t really put that there. It’s the love bench. It’s where they, like, make up, break up, make out all the things. so funny. It’s so so funny. I could go on and on, but I feel like like we’ve captured it for this hometown experience. Perfect. So who is the person that if she said yes to, you’d be delighted with?

Cristina Gonzalez:

I would love gotten Mhmm. Not in — Sameer. — not in the savior, like, because that’s that’s my too. I love Joey too, but I think that there’s a lot more depth that needs to be there in this amount of time. and I think she has that depth with both of them, but I like that.

Lynn Grogan:

I like to do. I yeah. He won my heart with the drive through with the drive in. Oh, so many moments. Yeah. The drive come on. That’s great. Yeah. Well, Cristina, thank you for coming on today. If somebody wanted to find you out there in the world, where would they go looking?

Cristina Gonzalez:

I am at the curvygirldatingcoach.com and all of my social medias, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok is also the Curvy Girl Dating coach. and if you are looking to freshen up your online dating profile, you can down go to my social media and get on my bio and download. I have a curvy girl dating checklist So, yeah, like, you can do that checklist, and I’m happy to review it for you if you want. Yay.

Lynn Grogan:

I’ll have in the show notes too. So you don’t have to look far to go find it. Well, thank you again, Cristina, for coming on. I wish I had had you when I was back in the dating world. So Thank you so much for inviting me. This is so much fun. I’m excited to see that rest of the show. Yeah. I know. Right? We’ll see what happens. Alright. Well, thanks, everybody, and we’ll talk next time.