The Finale with Claire Byrne | The Bachelor S24, E11 & 12

Unedited Transcript

all right welcome back to The Bachelor life coach podcastI’m your host certified life coach Lynn Grogan and today we are talking about the finale parts one and two of TheBachelor and with me today I have like it’d be perfect to guess for this I have heartbreak coach Claire Byrne whohas an amazing podcast called how urges not how to stop wanting him back did I get that right Claire yes yes so whydon’t you go ahead and actually introduce yourself even further well first thank you so much for having meLynn I’m so excited to be here and yes I am a heartbreak coach and my guiltiestpleasure is the bachelor Bachelorette and bachelor in paradise I don’t know if I can get on to what’s the next one withthe music what that will listen to my oh my god I got to draw the line somewherebecause now I’m focused on love is blind as well oh my god which is that could be another episode right here so like we’vebeen watching that too and it’s like what is this crazy experiment but anyway exactly so yes I’m a heartbreak coach Icoached women on how to stop wanting mr. or miss wrong back and that’s reallyyeah essentially what I do I’ve been doing it for I’ve been a life coach for five years but I really narrowed myniche down to heartbreak a little over two years ago heartbreak was the whole reason why I got on this helpedself-help journey over ten years ago and then I become a yoga teacher and wasjust sort of navigating myself and then got into therapy and then discovered life coaching and I was like wait a second the life coach I mean yogameditation therapy all of that were great foundational tools that I still totally believe in sometimes I sendpeople who come to me I’m like it sounds to me like you need to work through some childhood trauma go to a therapist write that I’m very clear about who my clientis and it’s someone who is ready to take more actionable steps in their healingversus going back into the past right the difference between there and he had a life coaching and I think five yearsago when I started my life coaching journey I was afraid to talk specifically about heartbreak Ikind of peppered it in like alluded to some failed relationships and then two-and-a-half years ago I got my heartbroken again so I originally been in you know very emotional I was in one particular veryemotionally abusive relationship that’s now nine years ago and that reallycatapulted me on to a deeper soul-searching journey but then even still even though it never got that badagain I was still getting into relationships with unavailable men two and a half years ago got my heart brokenagain while I was coaching right while I was a coach and I was like wait a second the difference here is that I have toolsnow and I’m not gonna be quiet about this so I just launched a video being like I got dumbs yesterday and this ishow I’m gonna do it yeah I got such a huge response because I think there’s so much shame and embarrassment attached tohim look at the people on The Bachelor right right if they’re going through heartbreak and they’ve got all ofAmerica you know watching that so it’s but I even think you know I’ve gottenmessages from people on Instagram saying you know you should be careful about talking about your clients because I don’t even follow you because I don’twant anyone to see that I’m following a hard way god shoot that just cut up sorry can youtone oh yeah where should I take it back um I don’t forget master Graham yeahyeah I don’t follow you on Instagram because I don’t want anyone to see that I’m following a heartbreak coach I it’slike nobody wants to even know and I’m like well there’s still 20,000 I don’t know what’s going on the audio is kindof don’t shoot is it my hey let me sorry Claire no no worries a fun gaming let metry maybe my headphones because I’mthinking I’m wondering if it’s these in their pet sitter maybe I should take out my headphones yeah do you want to trythat for a second I don’t think it’s you though I feel like it’s me I always think it’s me let me just drop thispersonI’m actually going to try the same setup as you okay and usually okay oh my goshand you were like on a roll okay so hopefully this is better yeah and cut me off because I tangentalokay but we’re totally fine okay yeah sopeople don’t want to follow you on Instagram some people don’t want to follow me on Instagram because they arejust not wanting anyone to see that their heart broken or god forbid arefollowing Claire the heart break coach right there’s so much shame attached to it and I just know that there are somany of course I was already attracting clients who are moving through hard Rinas I trained with the Martha Becklife coach training program and of course it was like you’re gonna attract the clients who have gone through thesame kind need-need the same housing that you needed and so I just reallyfelt a calling to do it and put my story out there and really make being in anarcissistic abusive relationship just exposing what that is more becausepeople don’t really know what it is until they’re in it and then they have to like figure out what gaslighting andall these things are because that’s that’s how you really understand it is having been through it and going waitwhat the hell did I just experience what is going on who what and you know my family and my friends were like whathappened to our girl with this like strong head on her shoulders like I was a very different person right confidentperson and then I was just like this beat down weak person and I want to say that not to save him not by any means amI trying to protect him but that I I let that happen just as much as he did whathe did right like if I had the tools that I now have I mean I I’m in the healthiest relationship of my life nowbut but you know it’s that the I know now that was a lack of love and the lowestself-esteem that I had for myself that attracted that man in the first place and that really like made me stay inthat relationship even though I saw the cheating I knew he was lying everything in my body was like what it like there’snot on here so I really felt a calling to just spread the word that you are notalone because now after doing this for two-and-a-half years and having the podcast out for a year I just got messages every day frompeople saying oh my gosh your story is so similar to mine and people think what a coincidence it’s not a coincidenceyeah narcissistic sociopathy is a real thing that happens and the dance between anarcissist and an empath is a real thing which we could do a whole other hopefully I was like oh my gosh let’ssee pretty much yeah but we see this happening on The Bachelor right away with Hannah brown last year with Luke Pright I mean just all the gas lighting and the manipulation no I didn’t say that when we have on camera that youreally all of that and that’s what happened to me I was like I could havesome more and he told me he was going to be doing this and now he’s doing that and he claims that he told me it wassuch a mind you know what I don’t know if I still haven’t decided Claire butthey’ve cursing for how to stop wanting him back right yes I’m like I love yourpassion for this because I know you’re equally as passionate about The Bachelor oh my god like I was like I just want todive right in because all the things you’re talking about I know that you’re gonna highlight in this episode because do it there’s so much okay I’m gonna dolike try to do a brief recap but you know yes go go with that what right sowe’re still in Australia be like briefly Madison ends up breaking up with Peterwhich I thought was for you know I was like I agreed with that breakup but wecan talk about that more later you know but but before that happens we havelet’s see them meeting with Peters family Peters family falling in lovewith Hannah and Madison breaking up with him and Peter basically by default last woman left his family’s influence bigtime ends up proposing to Hannah oh it’s all in one episode which is saying to me that that happened in oneepisode um but in second episode we have let’s see basically Peter breaking itoff with Hanahan because he hasn’t been able to get her his full heart shocking like shot right we all knew that withcircle back to Ari and Becca K right yeah so you’re just like shocking yeah of course that happened and then ChrisHarrison steps in to reunite Madison and Peter and by the end of the episodethey’re like what kind of sort of maybe taking it day by day there’s like nothing there I’m like there’s not sovague I can’t stand vague don’t ever come to work with me if you want to work on vague and gray area bsno right and so I just glossed all over that and I mean there’s so much drama or at least seem like drama from theviewers perpective perspective between Peters family specifically his mom barb and Madison somuch sharp barb like we could do a whole episode on barb it’s like holy hellwould this woman come from I’m like we need like a whole season of The Bachelor that’s just like barb and whatever theydecide to put together with her so um yeah Wow okay so we need to unpack thisI thought we would start first with Peter and Madison like that initial breakup like what was your reaction toall this when you’re watching this okay but before we even get to the break-upyes I understand that these women are very young what’s Madison 24 23 23 sothey are like children seriously this is so ridiculous this is why I’m sorry to pass forward for a second I’m so psychedthat they have a 38 year old bachelor and you know some real-life like real-life bachelor I know I was like sheis my age bring it on I can’t I justfeel like before any of this drama and of course this is the whole point of why we watched the show America loves dramaright Madison before we even got to the break-up why didn’t you say on date one I’m a virginthese are my Christian values yeah I don’t drink I’m looking for the man of the house tobe X Y Z and us to live this very conservative Chris lifestyle how do you feel about thatbecause all of this drama would have been nipped in the bud you tell people who you are from the beginning oh goshyes like that right off the bat for me it’s like you waited till the very very last till bright before the van diseaseneeds to say hey I’m a virgin and if you do this I just I have no patience forthat no likewise because watching that I know because it was a surprise to me it should not have been a surprise toanyone obviously she if she has such strong convictions that should have come out night one twelve hundred and then hecould have decided is this the person for me going into it instead of gettingall into it and then finally like oh yeah by the way here’s who I am yeah like this is the most important thing toyou and this isn’t what you’re talking about like there’s something going on here like why isn’t she saying any of those thingsyeah and then even when she did break up with him look at the end of the day I don’t think that they’re gonna work outI agree with barb now we can talk about Barb’s delivery and all that Wow I do think that they are fundamentallydifferent people they don’t even have a plan to your point earlier right it’s like so it’s just this up in the airtake it day by day while you live in Alabama and I live in California and I’m like why for a living like this makes nosense right and you’re fundamentally different people with different values and I just feel like and I hate to saythis because is anything possible yes especially you and I are coaches your thoughts if the two people are committedyou can really make it work I just feel like there are too many cracks in the mirror but even the breakup itself inAustralia I hate to say this because she seems like a lovely sweet girl and she’syoung but it like she formulate her sentences it’s um and I feel like whatis your hair you know what is it and I have love for you in my heart and you have love conquers all and and then shesaid like we just have to she said oh now I don’t have the specific so I’m gonna blink cuz I’m on the spot Lynn butit’s like we just need to surrender right under this or whatever and I’mjust like I guess I’m kind of contradicting myself on the one hand if two people really love each other and you want to makewe make it work and Peter was prepared to do that and she was one that was like no no no right and she walked away andlike ultimately they are so fundamentally different and and in fairness it’s not her faultChris Harrison came back for her sure if that’s even how it happened but that’s what they wanted to think and I was likeproduction is very working overtime of course laughter but I will say he didlook genuinely shocked when she walked in right apart to his face was like wait was he and he said he was expectingChris Harrison to come in he wasn’t expecting her yeah I do like idea yeah well and so like would even be yourclient here like looking at both of them because obviously they’ve both gone through and then is my client rightbecause I know she’s not really Mike know I know that would be amazing amazing though right right you shouldtotally I’m like good head on that shoulders she’s like very much blew me away she transformed from beginning tillthe end we’ll get to that yeah I know so it’s like even here it’s like kind of even hard to see like in this like whowould even be the client because they’re just so confused and they’re just trying to make this work so much without theireven being a foundation of a good relationship here yeah I mean look if Madison was to come to me and say oh Ireally would love to work with you I would I would hate to say it but like unless you are willing to coexist in onespace together one place together and make a plan to dive in like I’ve been dating my man for six months he lives inSanta Barbara like I am moving there for us to take our relationship to the next and that’s only two hour drive right butit’s like eventually something has to come together to figure it out if you’re a plane flight away living in twocompletely different cultures and leading to very different lives and also pious living with your parents yet doeshe do they both live with their parents because they Robin why does he live with his parents I don’t understand who knowsthat’s my understanding is that he lives so close I read that somewhere as well so yeah all I mean then that to me it’s justlike you guys are not ready for like how do you go moving from your parent I guess thereare some people who do that that to me it’s just you have to get to know someone and you have to understand how people live and again we already knowthe writing is on the wall I think the whole fundamental difference of like his lifestyle versus her lifestyle the two different cultures and end values butultimately like what I would say to Madison right off the bat is are you prepared for him to be like out drinkingwith his vice right and or you let that be okay exactly a mental not judgmentaland she says she’s not judgmental but I think I think she is and I don’t even blame her for that it’s like if I liketo drink I’m an Irish Catholic girl who was raised Irish Catholic and but likeif my boyfriend was getting sloppy drunk all the time and we’re not saying Peter is right like I do think it’s importantlike III don’t do drugs right if my boyfriend was doing drugs like I wouldnot be okay with that it just doesn’t work for me and the lifestyle there’s none that with someone do I have friends who do drugs yes I doI don’t hang out with them when I do them but in terms of a partner I don’t I don’t want that right so it’s like if Iwas out with my man while he was doing drugs I would totally be in the judgmentI’m not blaming her it’s just like it’s not judgment of him doing them it’s just like I don’t I don’t want that right andso can you really be realistic enough and say or even better if it’s like abirthday dinner for him or his friends and like the family is drinking and this they’re throwing that it seems like his family likes to have fun right told areyou gonna be okay that they’re all throwing a few back item drinking and and I I think the virginity thing youcan get past because it sounds to me like you can get past like waiting until marriage yeah but it seems to me likethey would probably get married soon anyway later yeah and I think his brother Jack kind of pointed it outmaybe in the more most neutral way out of anyone considered a ously like if we do not want you to suffer do not sufferbut Jack is just like okay facts of Madison does this does not do this factsof your life basically you party you drink and also just his travel schedule he does he pilot like is she gonna bedone for him being gone all the time oh yeah I don’t you know I think she could adjust tothat I don’t know why as if I know her so I feel like you’re signing up for itlike my man has a very very full life on so many levels and over the last sixmonths it’s like we don’t have a ton of time but like when we have our time we maximize that time and I have a veryfull life as well right so it’s like adjusting to that I think you make it work with the right person yeah I thinkgoing back to religious values and like the drinking and the socializing like those are the things and yeah the thevirginity aspect of it but I think again like he seemed to be very much like veryyou know have a lot of respect for the fact that that’s what she was doing for herself and that that was her choice andso I think he would have walked away if that was really an issue but I think that they’re a little bit delusional about like the other things and he keptsaying like we’ve him we have a million and one hurdles and all this and my boyfriend was so funny he was just likewow sounds promising because they kept saying so me uphill battles a million-in-one hurdle they’re alreadylike exhausted no they’re already setting the stage for it right oh my gosh I know I would just say to herright off the bat like are those things going to be okay with you don’t lie to yourself now do you mind if I just jump to Barbfor a sec – it let’s do it I freaking love her I just love her I really do and I know America is likehating on her Ryan you know what I love I love the balls I love yet you know she wasn’t gonna besome like quiet polite parents because America is watching she was just likethis is my son these are my thoughts and I’m gonna go in Italy now on the flip side of that barb you need to let yourson go live his life and learn his own lessons yes Peter 28 he’s 28 and I think for hershe basically at the end summed it up how she was thinking and by saying he’s going to have to fail to fail theidentity not gonna work yeah which that’s where I think like barb you could have bit your tongue onthat one little cuz look I am a heartbreak coach because of tons offailed and I had plenty of loved ones who wereextremely vocal about how unhealthy my relationships were how wrong these guyswere for me specifically my narcissistic sociopathic ex and I didn’t want to hearit and it was my lesson to learn and I think you know I’m not a parent but I knew like from that moment of justlike everyone projecting and telling me what I was doing wrong if I didn’t fall for that guy I wouldn’t be doing what Inow do I wouldn’t be within this relationship that I’m now and I wouldn’t have the relationship that I now havewith myself that relationship that failed I putting in air quotes rails relationship had to happen for tocatapult me onto this healing journey so who cares if they don’t work out back in his experience and by the way he’s 28and she’s 23 like I’m 39 and I feel like I just met the love of my lifeso and I know that some people listening to this who might be in their 20s or early thirties go I don’t want to wait till 39 and you don’t have to like getcoached and you learn the tools that I had my own unique individual journeys and it wouldn’t change it for anythingand so yes it must be hard as a parent to watch and I agree with Barb thoughtslike these people are you are gonna work out and yes I I was also surprisedI’m tangent thing so stop me apologize sure about about the waiting right soit’s like you could have taken like again she’s young so I felt sorry for and I think she was a bit in shock andput up put put on this why are also constantly waiting right so she’s probably like there’s nothing toapologize for because I’ve been waiting for six weeks for Peter like essentially she probably waits for like hours like12 hours so three probably like oh this is just production well they must havefigured out that it was because of their like difficult conversation and also let’s not forget everybody’s [ __ ] onbarb right now but she said and her husband said who seems to be a little bit more of a calm quiet force right umthere are things that they observed that was not caught on camera right like youare not seeing what his parents saw and so I think honor that and respectthat I still think I’m again contradicting myself on the one hand what you saw minion and I think you’vejust failed to succeed is a little bit harsh like just look we love you guys do what you need to do you know and I justsaid this to a client she literally just posted about this I she was like I just he keeps you know this unavailable guyyou know cuz come back a couple of times huh he is on her like white on rice because I implemented the no-contactrule and of course that’s like kryptonite what is this no contact rule like what is this if you’re not going tobe together like you don’t get to like have this vague area I like gray kind ofrelationship right where he’s still texting but he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to date me but like he texts me at night or he asked me whatI’m doing it’s like know if if you’re Tony you want to be with me and then you change your mind overnight you don’t get tolike still text me and chat with sure ya need to just like make you feel goodit’s like you’ve made it clear so I’m going to remove myself and I see this happen with a lot of women I did this myself like oh well he’s just like notready and he’s trying to like figure out what he knows sure yeah he’s going through a quarter life crisis and youknow and it’s just like not your problem right so right but anyway this guy is like on my client like white on ricebecause we implemented the no-contact rule which by the way is just par for the course with a mister unavailable if you cut them out that’s like no no noright and she’s just like I feel like I’ll regret it if I don’t give him one more chance but like if I do give him achance I’m not gonna trust him and I was just like I feel like you’re resistant to my coaching right now and you need togive this guy one more chance for you to see it through you know my opinions on this I’ve shown you all the signs he’sdone this to you twice before if you feel like this is different one more time you’ve got to go do your thing Ihope I’m wrong right but if I’m not wrong and it does blow up in your face again you don’t get to beat yourself upyou get to say I tried one more time and now I know it’s time to elevate and move on but that’s her lesson not my lessontoo not my job to prevent her from that lesson sure yeah yeah and I think you know part of thatreminds me of like a little bit of what happened maybe with Hannah Ann so like okay so if all right number one wasPeter Madison breaking-up moment number two we talked about our the whole thing there Iwant to talk about yeah Hannah Ann and so I thought there was such an interesting moment when she they aremeeting in LA they haven’t talked apparently for a month I thought that was a very shady situation it was likethey had engaged and then she showed up and there was automatically tension I was I watched the episode twice I’m likedid I miss something she showed up and she knew something was wrong yeah it was like very clear therewas something wrong as soon as they were at the door did you know it’s not Oh totally there was no build-up to therebeing a problem and and and had they not spoken in a month or they just hadn’t seen each other in a month I’m soconceived I know they hadn’t seen each other in a month but I do have spoken surely because but like what did thatlike what you just said may remind me of is that the very end when she was like this is it Peter and I mean that whichleads me to believe that maybe like there had been a little bit of like stopstart maybe and now she is saying like but no this is complete this is over like I am done but did you the way theywere yeah she was like it’s it I’m done yeah I just sort of felt like she waslike there’s no like I’m not discussing this relationship with you anymore like you’ve made it clear I’m out so I didn’ttake it like they had been like she had been kind of like letting had things happen like you saw it more as like thisis yeah like our dad like he kept following her it was like similar itreminded me of REM Beca right are you just kept following her she’s like oh my god get away right my heartnational television I’m completely pitted like get out of my face like but to your point when shetalked about it at the end and after the final rose ceremony you know she broughtup things like you needed closure with Hannah brown you still I gosh which was like you had three right so I think thatthey’re I think to your point she was like there were so many things that I kept being like okay okay I’m just goingto be here for you and I’m gonna support you and I’m going to love you no matter what and what she said in that in the house in LAwhen they met up was I’m still gonna be here as long as I know that you’re 50% right right and uh I I just I justthought that she was such a class act and really from the way they the way that they introduced her in thebeginning was I thought she was gonna be like the crystal of the house right like just hope I guess I was like I did notexpect her storyline to go the way it did I was like oh how are you like America’s Sweetheart here like I feltlike they were setting her up by the time did she get coached for after the final rose but even yeah he’s in thehouse in LA the way she articulated herself and the way that she presentedherself to his parents I was like she was so calm she was so loving she was so articulate where’s like in the beginningit was just number the whole champagne yes just like I didn’t I’m sorry that those are your feelings like she justhad this very flat resting [ __ ] face I just like I just thought it was soflat it was just such an interesting I don’t know like it’s such an interesting journey for her because I’m notexpecting her reaction I thought I would I thought we were gonna see a little girl and suddenly we saw this woman okayPeter is this boy and I was like how is this I mean 23 like wait maybe she didget some like counseling or advice or something because yeah but her growth happened even before a final roseceremony cuz for sure even with his parents you know I think that they get a lot a little flustered these girls youknow the parents and like barb is she’s a it’s a force to be reckoned with right and Oh a hundred percent I thinklike go up against Barb like you kind of justdefer she’s the cook in the kitchen and that’s what barb liked and she’s just like okay this girl is clearly veryfocused on Peter she’s all in I’m on I’m all in with that and I wonder if to someextent like barb saw a little bit of herself some elements of herself in Hannah and could relate to her but butHannah and doesn’t have the strong personality like barb and so which is obviously Peter likes that he likes hiswomen to be like the matriarch and here here Madison’s looking for a patriarch and so it’s like how does this line up Itotally agree and I’m gonna pull up a friend of mine sent me something thatwas put in the New York Post it was so good and it was so poignant just abouthow Peter doesn’t need a mom he needs I’m sorry Peter doesn’t need a wife heneeds a therapist the way that he was forgiving Victoria s and I don’t knowwhy I’ll link to that in the show notes for sure because that’s great so it saysPeter is an adult who lives with his mother a woman who knows an awful lot about his sex life she thinks she knowswhat’s best for her child who seems eager to please her and the fact that she is quick to make a big scene explains why Peter was quick to forgiveVictoria Epps when she would cause drama it shows us why he is most drawn to women who keep him at arm’s lengthrather than the one who professed their love for him like Hannah Ann when tears and conflict are how love is modeled foryou by your primary caregiver you develop an anxious attachment style Peter doesn’t need a wife you need thetherapist Jamie I thought that was so good and again therapy versus life coaching right either way he needssomeone in his life to help him see all of these things like that have been going on for him how he was raised howhe looks and like goes for women uh and like yeah sorry go aheadwell I was gonna say I don’t know a lot about attachment um behavior but I’m sure that you do and like how thataffects things and relationships like are you seeing that too when you watch this like that type of behavior 100% hegoes after women who keep him at arm’s length right and who don’t know and I’m not sure and a lot of drama and he’s like I’m gonnafight for you I mean Victoria asks come on like he was trying to connect withher he was he was like literally what I would have dreamed of because I relatedto Victoria have like ten years that wasmade so I am not judging Victoria F I get who she is I really hope those rumors aren’t trueabout her being a house record but that’s a whole other thing our home record I I really do see and and Iidentify as someone as anxious at attachment so I’m very drawn to dismissive avoidant attachment behaviorwhere it’s like hot-cold hot-cold and I mean it was really bad for the rock bottom of the narcissistic sociopathyeah that’s a different that’s a whole other ball of wax but I bet you talk about on your podcast quite a bit so Ido but yeah I and so the anxious attachment it’s like looking for theother person to give you that security yeah that was me for so long and it’sdelivery slope for me even in the healthiest relationship that I’m now and I have noticed at times where my brainwants to go but thanks to these life coaching tools I can check myself I can figure out is this something I want toaddress with him is this something that I can clean up for myself is this an old story that has nothing to do with himright so it’s just knowing how to have those tools but also like something that would I really wanted to point out aboutbarb to when when he hadn’t seen them and he came in to announce that he was getting engaged to hannah an to his momand dad yeah when he came in she was hysterical yeah yes yes and I was likeoh my god how long has it been they reiterated twice he hadn’t seen her in a week one week one week and she washysterical when he walked in the door it’s just it doesn’t make sense ittotally made against him it’s textbook it really is and again I agree with whatshe’s seeing but the way she’s going about it she has to rein it oh my gosh you know what The Bachelor isthrilled because it’s great entertainment oh they knew they must have known like I know yeahwell just I mean just their reception of hearing about Peter and Hannah Brown in the windmill four times I’m like do Iwant my parents to know about my specialist I don’t know applauding that like is if success forhim yeah yeah yeah so it’s like okay so Peter grows up he has it modeled to him that mom is the strong dominant typewith this very big personality dad’s kind of the wet blanket kind of goes along with whatever mom says I mean evenin those last recapping moments she’s just like in Spanish saying to him like I you two may say something bad with melike you know she’s trying to get him that what she’s heard she did yes she’slike helped me say something bad with me that’s my understanding of what she said and so like even there it’s just likeokay it’s so interesting how like Peters kind of going against her wishesby picking Madison so suddenly she’s on Team Hannah like Hannah Anne and like like where’s the love here for Peterlike where is the lake parental it seems conditional ultimately conditional whichyou know it’s almost just like okay Peter like it’s it’s hard to see that like basically she was saying like okaywell you’re picking her you’re kind of picking us and it’s not gonna work out anyway so we’ll be here when you likecome on back onto our side it’s just like just didn’t really seem like there was any sort of support for Peter Ohpainful it’s so painful yeah and I can see why this see what he’s doing that he wantsto do so let’s give him credit for that I mean as he said himself he made a million and one of mistakes and I wouldtotally agree with that but I also Peter is not a Juan Pablo he’s not an Ari I dothink that he is a good man I really do and the whole thing he just wasn’t prepared for and it’s clear that hehasn’t done therapy or life coaching yes so he was like lost and confused and allthe things which is what America needed to watch but he is choosing her he’s not listening to his mom but I think forsure just to your point of her being this like thundering force and the dad being the wet blanket I think thosethree men in that house for all these years have just been walking on eggshells right yes I’m justlike it’s just easier if we just guess her and placate to her and let her mother us in the way that she wants toand then everything will be okay right right he was doing with Victoria F that’s what he was doing with Madisonand that I think he didn’t know what to do with Hanna and who was just like I just love you do whatever you need to doin the hey I’m gonna be here in the end you do what you need to do I was just like this woman is amazing and he wasthe one home and who he didn’t say he was falling in love with until he proposed to her yes right isn’t thattrue he didn’t say I love you and he told her family he was falling for her but I don’t think he said anything downbut he’s been like telling Maddie from like halfway through the seasonyeah yeah totally yeah he did not know really what to do with Hanna and how torespect a woman like her because it’s like it’s just too easy for him so I think it was easy for him to dismissthat you know like that her love eventually would end if he liked that she would cut it off if he didn’t meether halfway and I think he was used to being like a hundred percent and then she was just like going along untiluntil that wasn’t true anymore and then he even said himself right that I reallydid love you and I have been through heartbreak before so I really thought I was eventually going to get over Maddieand just like be all-in with this perfect woman I mean Hannah Ann really did embody onthe inside and out perfection by the very end and even her response my heartoh my god I got teary yeah wants to his proposal like the shock on her face yesyes was like and then Chris Harrison said I think Hannah Ann was about as shocked as we were right right rightthat and honestly when I feel like I can understand his rationale like this Ijust might be effed in the head right now because this yes not really yes and here’s this girl whobroke my heart but no I think he agrees with his family Hannah Ann did embody perfection and he really thought hecould get himself there and so he went with it and I’m not saying that that’s okay but can understand I can understand that Igot a lot of people can understand that because you’re like why don’t want to miss out on this opportunity because inmy current state I’m grieving I really like how do you with your clients like how long do you have like a timeframeyou recommend or the type of work that you recommend with them before they jump into a new relationship oh no not specifically for that it justdepends on what state sometimes I had claimed I mean my commitment is a six-month commitment you kill your heart100 percent I think that that is totally possible but I do have women coming to me who haven’t been over someone for twoyears right and then had women coming to me who just got dumped last week or they broke up with the person knowing thathe’s not the right person but their hearts are in pieces so yeah everybody it’s coming to me with different issuesthat have been lasting for different you know periods of time and it really just comes to how committed are you to reallyshifting your thoughts I say this all the time about how if you are losingweight and you hire a weight loss coach for six months right you’re gonna be resistant and you’re gonna fall off thewagon right like that’s why you hire the coach because you don’t think you can do I’m working with a health coach rightI’m on a four month plan with this health coach and she wants me to only drink four drinks a week and I’m like noand I made a joke I said this on like a recent post that because my boyfriendlives two hours away when we do see each other it feels like a bachelorette as oh yeah yeah drink post and you know godbless me I have a hundred percent Irish so as you know an actual alcoholic butlike he and I just enjoy having as a drinking drink so it’s it’s not like athousand drinks a week but it’s probably like 12:15 I don’t know and you knowthere’s a lot but my point is when she’s like you know for drinks I’m like oh Idon’t want to I don’t want to but I hired her because she knows what I need to do to get the results of feelingbetter mentally and physically and even emotionally right when I’m putting the right food into my body when I’m doing the proper workouts when Ihave a plan I function better as a coach as a human in my relationships my body feels better it looks better I know thatresult is guaranteed it’s trickier when people come to me with heartbreak right if they don’t have a tangible resultthey don’t believe that it makes it like it’s like they hire me and they invest this money and this time and thiscommitment with me because they’re they’re hopeful and they trust me but yes then it starts to get wobblyright it starts to be like wait and that’s what happened with that client that I was just referring to how I saidyou need to go you need to go do what you need to do with this mr. unavailable because you’re so resistant to what I’moffering you she knows what an unavailable man is I said go google unavailable man it’s notjust telling you this is like an actual thing and you need to read it and seethat he is checking off all these boxes yeah right yeah she’s like and then what we came to was I was like you don’t wantto agree with me right isn’t that the truth and she was like you’re just this woman is amazing she’s yeah yeah any ofmy clients obviously I’m biased I think they’re amazing these investments in their time and withtheir money and and and putting in the work and being vulnerable and really like they’re not half-assed I don’t takeon half-assed clients I can feel a resistance she’s showing up for the calls this isn’t like I don’t want toclear whatever I don’t feel like it it’s like no I’m literally resistant to even wanting to believe that he’s unavailableright mm-hmm so what I offer my clients is when you cut off the contact when youfinally start saying no to mr. on availables and you start saying yes to yourself and you feel that pain in the same way I’mgoing up to Santa Barbara this weekend and it is raining the whole time cocktails but I’m only allowed to havefour oh I’ve already had one right this week so it’s like I’m going to feel thatresistance I’m going to be irritated when he’s drinking more than me but it’s still a choice to not because I my coachhas me on a plan that sets me up right but the the the gross end the change isgoing to be uncomfortable it’s more comfortable for her to just go back and say yes to himresist what I’m offering her because her heart just wants him to fill that void right needs to do it one more time sheneeds to do it one more time but it all depends whereas I’ll have another client that’s like I hate thisso much but I know you’re right and I’m gonna do what you’re saying right and she was doing what I was saying she didcut off the contact and she’s just in total torture ville and he works with her and he’s like I promise you it’sdifferent and I’m like you didn’t go give him that chance because I don’t I what I will not tolerate for a longperiod of time is I don’t know I’m so confused we have tuned them she was super resistant I said this thirdsession we were making a decision are you giving him a chance or are you shutting this down and it sounds to me like you really do want to so go do ityeah and own it and be intentional and don’t like another rule that I gave heris you don’t get to be like show me who you are show me what you got prove yourself to me because you’ve been so hot and cold with me like your workis on you right how do you want to show up giving him this third chance yes yeahthese people lead you clearly Wow thanks Lynn I needed me a long time ago I alwaysamazing I know we could talk for hours about this and like I’m still in my brain I’m going you should have startedthe fourth drink thing after the bachelor cuz this was like a season that needed some maybe some drinks my coachwas started it’s like a certain we had to start on March 1st yeah just on March 1st perfect too thoughso if somebody wanted to work with you who’s also going through their own breakup where would they find you howwould they get in contact with you they can go to Clair the heartbreak coach calm Clair CLA IR e is a heartbreakcoach and you can just click on the work with me tab and there’s an application there with all the information of whatthe program entails and so there are a few questions on theretake your time answering those questions I like to have well-thought-out answers because thanks this is a decision forboth the client and the coach I just turned someone away in a consultation last week because I thought it was moreimportant for her to move out and she was said you know I couldn’t afford to pay you and move out from himI said you need to move out from him first before we do the coaching what’s the point of the coaching if you’re living under the same roof as Sam rightso I really am very I tried to get as clear as possible and make sure that youare really ready to do the work so that you can have the ultimate results I mean I wanted to take that girl in but I waslike let’s take care of the immediate because the coaching won’t be as transformational when you’re sleeping Imean you’re in it totally totally makes sense I mean I feel like I’ve heard your name a lot nowlike I was introduced to you and then it was like I was talking to a friend you know a friend and she was like I think I was gonna hit higher Clara for breakupcoach so you know I feel like I know you know it’s like it’s like just how it happens people start talking about everyone so I will for sure have yourlinks in the show notes on the website so that’s gonna be Lin Grogan comm episode what is this even is it xi anally maybe I’ll just call it up a sling Greg and calm slash finale because I can’t remember what episode this is andthis is season wrap like I can’t believe it it went so fast and was so crazy and I’m so honored to be on the finale wrapwell obviously the perfect person to bring on all of these crazy breakupswell thank you Lynn and I think that this idea is totally genius so I lovedbeing on here and when um yeah on toClaire Crawley whoo I know I can’t wait I’m excited for like just a different five different types of coaching soagain totally totally we’re ready all right Thank You Claire Thank You Lynn